Unless Tuesday’s record-breaking heat made you literally melt — and that is very well possible — then chances are good that you no doubt heard this bit of important news out of Hollywood: Lindsay Lohan is going to jail for 90 days for breaking a host of laws, including driving under the influence of alcohol, driving under the influence of cocaine, consistently lying about it in court and violating probation. And while you would think that a 90-day prison term would seriously put a crimp in someone’s acting career, don’t cry for LiLo just yet. Director Matthew Wilder — who, in a coup, grabbed Lohan to star as Linda Lovelace in his biopic on the late porn star’s life, Inferno — announced that he’s sticking with his starlet:
“An outrageously outsized sentence garners attention for all the players involved, but brings only sadness to the poor soul who has to serve it. I am 100% behind Lindsay and can say the same for everyone involved in the production of Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story. Indeed, we are proud to have this remarkable artist work on our film.”
What a stand-up guy! Too bad this is Hollywood, where directors have been known to change their minds. On the off-chance that Wilder is one of those directors — plus he doesn’t actually say he won’t replace her — here are four actress that can ably step in for Lohan in what is surely to be one of the most talked about female performances in whatever year the film is finally released.
OK, so she’s already made her leap from teen star to serious adult — and the role would require much more nudity than she’s accustomed to — but if anyone has the pure acting chops to pull off something like this, it’s Hathaway. She’s always seemingly up for a challenge — Rachel Getting Married, Shakespeare in the Park, singing with Hugh Jackman at the Oscars — so Inferno seems ideal. That she’d be replacing Lindsay Lohan — an actress well beneath her talents — is decidedly less ideal.
Odds: 100-to-1.
There is the simple fact that she looks like Lindsay Lohan — that hair, that voice! — but Emma Stone (Zombieland, Superbad, the upcoming Mean Girls-like Easy A) has one thing going for her that Lohan does not: Reliability! If she’s looking to transition into a world of adult roles, this could be her chance. Of course co-starring in the adaptation of the acclaimed novel The Help will probably do that for her too, and she won’t have to lustily shake her butt in front of a dog in that one.
Odds: 20-to-1.
She was originally attached to star in Inferno — with Sam Rockwell! — but had to drop out in 2008. She’s filming the romantic comedy What’s Your Number? right now, and she’s got tons of stuff in the pipeline — hey, there’s that Private Benjamin remake you always wanted! — but if she could find room, why not try to tackle this role again?
Odds: 11-to-1.
If you want controversial, you go with Megan Fox. With her career somewhat in tatters following her exile from Transformers 3 — which, be honest, isn’t a bad thing — Fox needs to show audiences that she has another card to play. Sure, being Linda Lovelace means being eye candy, but the script reviews that have appeared online paint Inferno as a harrowing tale of abuse, depravity, desperation and sexual exploitation. If Fox could pull it off, this could be her ticket to actual stardom and not just another Maxim cover.
Odds: 3-to-1.
