Internal Memo: Steven Rattner

  • Is it really news to anybody that Rahm Emmanuel says “fuck” a lot? He said, “Fuck the UAW!” He absolutely did. As car czar, I also heard him say, in no particular order, “Fuck Chrysler!” “Fuck GM!” “Fuck Toyota!” “Fuck auto-parts suppliers!” “Fuck bankruptcy!” “Fuck capitalism!” “Fuck the shareholders!” “Fuck the Senate!” “Fuck Pelosi!” “Fuck Michigan!” “Fuck the workers!” “Fuck cars, let the motherfuckers take the bus!” “Fuck you, Steve!” “Fuck you, Larry!” “Tim, you stupid little fuck!” “Shut the fuck up, Barack!” “Richard Daley had better fucking retire next year!”
  • I have never loved a man as much as I love Larry Summers, not even my best friend Pinch Sulzberger or my other best friend Michael Bloomberg. Larry is better than The New York Times, better than the city of New York, and he was too good for Harvard. Working with Larry was the happiest time of my life. Because I am a businessman and he is an economist, my insights were more crucial to the resurrection of the sickly American auto industry. Larry learns from his mistakes. He clearly has the constant impulse to tell most of the people around him (never me) that they are fools. He has learned to control himself, which is why, when he seems about to say, as he often does, “You are all fools!” he now says, “You are all friends!” The only things I love more than Larry are myself, perfection and money.
  • Andrew Cuomo is an ass and an empty product of Mafia-coordinated dynasty, and I wish him nothing but ill in his farce of a political career.
  • Our efforts to save the auto industry were hampered only by the regulations of our government and silly little concerns over “ethics.” As I explain in my book, I paid $400,000 dollars in legal fees for the honor of serving the federal government. How many autoworkers would that compensate in a single year? Perhaps that’s the wrong question to be asking.
  • If anyone on Martha’s Vineyard has complaints about my horse, they can bring them to me. But bring them to me as a man, not a “millionaire.” I have been crucified on the island for my alleged transgression of an “agricultural preservation restriction.” What is a horse farm but the very preservation of agriculture, and the pastoral itself. I submit further that I have inside knowledge that leads me to believe that our future will be a future without cars. We will need horses and horse farms more than ever.
Internal Memo: Steven Rattner