Get a wise guy's history of the world--in 50 minutes, no less. Directed by Jerry Seinfeld, "Long Story Short"
is a monologue of sorts by Colin Quinn, which hits on everything from the Romans to the Great Wall
of China to Islam. Totally non-p.c. (2 p.m., 5 p.m., 8 p.m., Saturday, Helen Hayes Theatre, $59-98)!
Hear an all-night Homer reading at 92nd St. Y (Saturday, 7 p.m. to 7 a.m., Kaufmann Concert Hall).
Get an insider's view on the Native Arts of North America at the Met (11 a.m., Wednesday).
Educator Larissa Bailiff delivers "Highlights from the Collection, 1880-1945" at MoMA (11:30 a.m., Friday).
"John Baldessari: Pure Beauty" at the Met takes seemingly everyday scenes--highways, strip malls, billboards--and transforms them into paintings and photos. Often combining photos with text on the how-tos of photography and humor, Baldessari is thought of as a conceptual art giant (Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday, 9:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m.; Friday, Saturday, 9:30 a.m.-9 p.m.; $20).
See two 50-foot photographs by Hiroshi Sugimoto (Pace Gallery).
Study Cuban artist Ana Mendieta's unique art--like mud silhouettes (Galerie Lelong, 528 W. 26th St.).
Check out "Paul Thek: Diver," a retrospective at the Whitney. He was one of the first artists to create full-scale installations.
Catch Hollywood greats Vanessa Redgrave and James Earl Jones in the reincarnation of the classic Driving Miss Daisy. Also starring Tony-winner Boyd Gaines, this is the Broadway debut of the 1987 Off Broadway hit (John Golden Theatre, 252 W. 45th St., $65-125).
Catch Rain--A Tribute to the Beatles at Neil Simon Theatre.
In Transit is a musical-theater version of the daily subway treks we all take (59E59 Theaters).
Check out Lincoln Center's A Free Man of Color (Vivian Beaumont Theater).
A cookbook tournament may sound a little offbeat, but we're game. Hosted by Charlotte Druckman and food52 founders Merrill Stubbs and Amanda Hesser, the Piglet Party celebrates the end of the three-week tournament with--what else?--food. Local foodies Rick's Picks and Van Leeuwen will be peddling their goods (7-10 p.m., Tuesday, 92YTribeca, 200 Hudson St.).
Hit up Single Malt Saturdays at Brandy Library for free samples. (5 p.m. to 8 p.m., Saturday, 25 N. Moore St., free).
Aspiring wino? Try OTTO Vino Classes (2 p.m., Saturday and Sunday, OTTO Enoteca Pizzeria, $45-75).
Stock up at Grand Army Plaza Greenmarket (8 a.m. to 4 p.m., Saturday, Flatbush Ave. at Eastern Parkway).
Get into the Chanukah spirit with American Hasidic Jewish reggae musician Matisyahu as he kicks off his annual Festival of Lights Tour Monday at the Brooklyn Bowl (doors open at 6 p.m., show starts at 9 p.m., $25.) Matisyahu will be joined by his band, The Dub Trio, for the show, until they take off for their first ever tour of the Northeast.
Celebrate Christmas early with Cristina Fontanelli's "Christmas in Italy" (Sunday at Kaufman Center).
Hear Aussie David Campbell perform from his newest album On Broadway, at Feinstein's supper club.
Celebrate with folk legend Arlo Guthrie's annual Thanksgiving concert (Saturday, Carnegie Hall).