Scandal Report: The Tao of Ryan and Scarlett, Homecoming King and Queen

Snooki a bit desperate for some, um, action these days? Handing out condoms at her birthday party isn't enough for "Jersey Shore's" most pugnacious cast member. She's having the bash sponsored by LifeStyles, PAGE SIX reports. If you need to restock on rubbers, the party's at Pasha this Saturday night.

GATECRASHER has sources in Atlanta, for some reason, and use these outposts to report on the trysts of one Whitney Houston. We love an excuse to throw up a Whitney picture, but dirt about Ray-J? Up your game, guys

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Ladies! The extremely single David Arquette is boozy, sleazy and ready to sleep with you! He's taking them by the threes, an L.A.-based tipster informs PAGE SIX. Though perhaps not all ladies can be so lucky - being British, leggy and 21 helps.

GATECRASHER stunned the world with its gripping narrative of Kathy Griffin, an extremely unfunny redhead, meeting famous actor Al Pacino. The drama! The suspense!

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Emma Watson, pixie-cut queen of Brown University, Brit-accented sweetheart of the Harry Potter set. Who can resist, really? Certainly not James Wilkie, the eight-year-old son of Sarah Jessica Parker. GATECRASHER reports that he slipped the actress a note at the premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Monday night. So cuuuutttee! Swoon, people! This shit is gold!

Karl Lagerfeld's brooch is loose! The fashion icon dropped his diamond-encrusted accessory at the Vogue Fashion fund event Monday night, PAGE SIX said, and had to rely on a lowly photographer to save his ass. Photographers - good people!

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After berating the press for a few minuts, Jake took the time to explain to GATECRASHER that sex scenes with Anne Hathaway in Love and Other Drugs eased tension between the two of them. Good for you, tension-free Jake and Anne.

PAGE SIX spies informed them that ScarJo's fingers were attacking her BlackBerry Tuesday night. It might have been the after party for the Kings of Leon Show, at Barbuto, but GQ's Babe of the Year texted hubby Ryan Reynolds, People's Sexiest Man Alive, all night long. They're like, so perfect and everything. Or is there trouble in paradise... (hint hint next slide...)

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Well, look at that! Page Six takes it away again this week, and the victory can be attributed, in part, to David Arquette. They covered him hard, but somehow it worked. Gatecrasher just couldn't land the scoops to merit a victory, though SJP's kid did get us pretty good. But in this town, we'll see a month of upheaval in a day's time. See everyone next Friday!

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