Four Loko Afterlife! Truckloads of Blackout in a Can Go to Ethanol Heaven

Four Loko already seems like a relic from the long-gone 2010. Yes, some bodegas dipped into their backroom hordes on New Year’s Eve and sold marked-up cans despite the statewide ban, but for all intents and purposes the drink is gone from our lives, no longer terrorizing the youth, forcefully and swiftly euthanized — an artifact of wide-awake drunk nights of the past.

But kids, if your hankering for The Loko hasn’t died in those past months, massive quantities of the beloved contraband exist within our midst. As we speak, there are a couple hundred trucks, each loaded with over 2,000 cases of the stuff, headed to the MXI Environmental Services Facility in Abingdon, Virginia, the AP reports. In other words, a small town of 7,780 people now houses — in a conservative estimate — 7,200,000 cans of Four Loko.

Unfortunately, Abingdon, Virginia — known for its arts and crafts scene! — will not be going on a month-long wild-eyed caffeine-fueled non-stop rager of a bender. Rather, the MXI Environmental Services Facility will be extracting ethanol from the cans of Four Loko, and sell it to be blended into gasoline.

“We’re equipped to process four truckloads a day, and we’re at full capacity,” Brian Potter, vice president of operations at MXI, told the AP. “There are about 30 different products involved, and we’ve only seen a couple of them at this point. It could go on for several months.”

So, if your car runs a little bit faster around April or May, you’ll know what’s up. Just like Four Loko isn’t like other alcoholic drinks, Four Loko gasoline is going to be a whole different animal.

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nfreeman [at] | @nfreeman1234 Four Loko Afterlife! Truckloads of Blackout in a Can Go to Ethanol Heaven