The Eight-Day Week: March 23-March 30

Wednesday, March 23
Protect and Serve
Personally, we think New York’s Finest are plenty brave, and its Bravest tend to be extremely fine. (Maybe it’s all that sliding down poles?) But if the city’s cops and firefighters want to have a little healthy competition to see who’s best, far be it from us to intervene. (If we tried, we’d probably be cuffed, Tazed and forced to stop, drop and roll.) Their annual showdown, the New York World Police and Fire Games, which benefits the Firefighters Burn Center Foundation and the Police Athletic League, isn’t till August (mark it down). But tonight, there’s another benefit … to benefit the benefit! It’s the 2011 Benefit Gala! Guests will include Mayors Bloomberg and Dinkins and the police and fire commissioners, who will nosh and bid during a silent auction, and celebrate a set of honorees that includes Mark Sanchez and Jon Stewart (and, oddly, no policemen or firemen). One thing’s for sure: At least tonight, the Javits Convention Center will be the safest place in town.
Jacob Javits Convention Center, 655 West 34th Street, 6 p.m., 718-281-3335
 
Thursday, March 24
You Can Count on Me
Yves Saint Laurent sponsors tonight’s gala at the Met, which precedes the premiere of Rossini’s rarely staged Le Comte Ory. Oh, come on-you know the one: Where most of the menfolk are all off at the crusades? And the scheming count disguises himself as a hermit offering romantic “advice” to the ladies (we seem to recall a Skins episode along similar lines)? And then there’s all that crazy cross-dressing in the second act? That one! It should be a fun night: Director Bartlett Sher put on the gleeful Lincoln Center South Pacific as well as the Met’s overstuffed and underthought Les Contes d’Hoffmann in 2009. Cocktails and dinner will be served before curtain, and Champagne and dessert will be on offer during intermission. Us, we’ll be out on the balcony for a little of Le Smoking--if you’ll pardon a little YSL humor.
Metropolitan Opera House, Lincoln Center, gala begins at 6 p.m., opera begins at 8pm, 212-870-7492
 
Friday, March 25
Styling, Profiling
The New Jersey fashion jokes write themselves-fake tans, tube tops, tall hair on women and men both. There’s an entire show on MTV about these young flowers of the Turnpike State, and their vivid attire. You’ll want to get your GTL on and dress like the natives for the New Jersey Fashion Week March Mixer at Hoboken’s W Hotel. These Chris Christie Turlingtons are planning their fall fashion week, an event that’s designed more around New Jersey reality stars than haute couture (the friend of a Real Housewife shall be in attendance). We have a million questions–first among them, is a week too much time? (Brooklyn Fashion gets but a weekend.) Or is it not nearly enough?
W Hoboken, 225 River Street, 6pm, 866-723-5387
 
Saturday, March 26
Does Anybody Remember Laughter?
It’s been a rough year for awards shows (and no, we’re not just saying that because we lost). First James Franco bombed at the Oscars, then something called “Arcade Fire” (sp?) won at the Grammys. So no, even with Melissa Leo’s fine showing as the best guerrilla comedian since Tony Clifton, our awards jones has not been sated. We’re holding out some hope for Comedy Central’s inaugural “Comedy Awards,” which tape tonight at the Hammerstein Ballroom. Isn’t it about time Alec Baldwin and Betty White got some recognition? Other nominees include melancholy-bulldog-in-human-form Paul Giamatti and his brother-in-shlub Jonah Hill–both up for actor in a film–and New Yorker memoirist Tina Fey for actress in a television series and film (remember Date Night?). The show is to air April 10, and may become a franchise, though a similar past attempt, the American Comedy Awards, disappeared without fanfare in the early 2000s. Good luck, both to the nominees and producers!
Hammerstein Ballroom, 311 West 34th Street, red carpet begins 7 p.m., taping begins 8:30 p.m., show airs April 10 on Comedy Channel and other networks, closed to the public
 
Sunday, March 27
The Chat Came Back
The “mumblecore” filmmaking pioneer Joe Swanberg has given the world many gifts: He directed downtown dreamgirl-turned-megawatt No Strings Attached costar Greta Gerwig in Hannah Takes the Stairs and Nights and Weekends, and brought out a film called LOL back when chat acronyms really meant something. The director premieres his new film, Uncle Kent, at the Ace Hotel tonight. The flick’s about a socially isolated man romancing a woman he met on Chatroulette. You figure, So it’s just a bunch of clips of penises, right? You wish! This is mumblecore, though, so it’s even more moody and lyrical than that. We hadn’t thought about the site in ages, but that’s the nice thing about mumblecore-do-it-yourself filmmaking, even with its quick turnaround, can be so strenuously hip that its subjects are outdated by the time the film comes out! Hey, Joe, we’ve got a great script about Friendster just gathering dust. Call us!
Ace Hotel, 20 West 29th Street, 7 p.m., 646-214-5745
 
Monday, March 28
Out of the Closet!
Society’s ladies who munch (and nibble, and devour) Dylan’s Candy Bar’s high-calorie sweets tonight can assuage their dietary guilt by passing on any clothing they’ve outgrown–because honey, as tiny as they are, those Skittles do take their toll–to Bottomless Closet, which hosts a benefit at the chic chocolatier. The organization provides interview apparel and guidance to underprivileged women seeking employment. (Be sure to dry-clean the clothes first, ladies, because getting caramel out of silk is absolute hell.) No matter-the event benefits a very good cause. Two good causes, if you count supporting a candy store as the price of cocoa skyrockets.
Dylan’s Candy Bar, 1011 Third Avenue, 7 p.m., 212-563-2499
 
Tuesday, March 29
How Swede It Is
It may never have its Beatles-on-Ed Sullivan moment, but the Swedish invasion is real, it is happening, and today is its D-Day. Swedish pop consigliere Max Martin has produced yet another blockbuster, due out today, with Britney Spears’ new album, Femme Fatale. (She’s also performing today on Good Morning America live from the Castro, if you’re wondering why your office’s receptionist took the morning off.) Today also sees the release of Swedish trio Fredrik’s new album, Flora, and “Young Folks” Stock-homies Peter Bjorn and John’s latest attempt to prove that they can do more than whistle. Even if none of the new releases garners Abba-level sales, they’ll at least wind up in a mess of car commercials, to say nothing of making the Finns jealous … which is always fun.
Good Morning America airs at 7 a.m. on ABC
 
Wednesday, March 30
With Relish
Hot-diggety-dog! The Astor Center hosts this year’s iteration of the STREETS International benefit, a silent auction with street-food-type nibbles reinvented by the city’s top chefs. Come hungry: Admission is $225 for a V.I.P. ticket. (Around $222 more than we spent the last time we splurged on a streetside pretzel and Diet Coke-though, to be fair, the proceeds didn’t go to benefit a training program in Vietnam that prepares young people for jobs in the hospitality industry, now did they?) Chefs serving up their versions of the classics include Masaharu Morimoto of Morimoto NYC, Mike Anthony of Gramercy Tavern and Julie Reiner of Flatiron. Attendees will never look at a falafel the same way again.
The Astor Center, 399 Lafayette Street, V.I.P. reception at 6 p.m.
, event at 7 p.m., tickets available through streetsinternational.org

ddaddario@observer.com :: @DPD_

The Eight-Day Week: March 23-March 30