August 17, 2011: That Was Jersey News That Was
Runyan Made Chairman Of Congressional Coffee Committee
While most freshmen Congressmen linger in the back row of unimportant sub-committees until they prove their worth, at least one New Jersey freshman congressman has been put in charge of an extraordinarily important Congressional committee. Earlier this week, House Speaker John Boehner appointed first term New Jersey Congressman Jon Runyan (NJ–3) to chair the newly formed Congressional Coffee Committee. Falling to Runyon will be the very important job of making sure all 435 members of Congress have their cup of coffee each and every morning.
“This is an extremely important job, and we have every bit of confidence that Congressman Runyan has the experience, the knowledge, and the training to make sure that this job gets done,” said Speaker Boehner. Getting coffee each morning for 435 members of the world’s most deliberative body can be extraordinary: Those from the California delegation needing Star Bucks venti latte with a shot of espresso, Fair Trade source, and those from New York needing just a plain cup o’ Joe.
“I am here to work hard for the American people, and get these orders right,” added Congressman Runyan.
Standard & Poor’s Downgrades Mets to AAA
In a move that is sure to impact what is left of the fan base of the New York Mets baseball team, Standard & Poor’s downgraded the Mets to AAA. Now, the Mets have until the end of Labor Day to find a AAA minor-league that will have them.
“At Standard & Poor’s we analyze baseball teams based on their skill, pitching, hitting, ability to draw fans, and how much people make fun of them,” said Nelson Hardwick, director of the Poor half of Standard & Poor’s. “There is no question that the Mets meet all the criteria of being a Poor baseball team.”
Mets Chairman of the Board & Chief Executive Officer Fred Wilpon issued a statement indicating that he was “exploring all options at this time,” and “feels that the criteria applied by Standard & Poor’s was unfair and not calculated correctly.”
Christie and Sweeney Reach Compromise on Facebook Status
Throughout the pension reform battles, the Governor and Sweeney were BFFs. But, then they were not talking, until last week. Sweeney had called the NJ governor “mean old bastard,” a “bully,” and a “punk.”
“I wanted to punch him in his head,” Sweeney reportedly said. He even deleted the governor’s comments from his Facebook page, and then blocked him completely. Christie and Sweeney both had apparently “unfriended” each other, and stopped following each other on FourSquare. “I don’t give a $#!* what locations the governor is the Mayor of,” added the Senate President.
After a few hours meeting face-to-face, they finally came to an agreement. Christie and Sweeney changed their mutual Facebook Status to “It’s Complicated”.