Interview With @FalseCEOTimCook: ‘My Own Cult Following Would Be Great’


We all know the appropriate template for a Steve Jobs joke: something about black turtlenecks and things being magical and/or revolutionary and sporting the minimum number of buttons. But we’re just learning how to make fun of Apple’s new CEO Tim Cook. If the legion of parody accounts is any guidance, it’s rainbows (read: gay jokes), senior VP Bob Mansfield fat jokes, planking, and being forever shadowed by the Ghost of Jobs.

“Who loves me?” was the first tweet by @ITimCook. “You know what was nice? AOL keywords,” says @TheRealTimCook, who also pondered, “1st day on the job! Can’t decide which turtleneck to wear…”

@FalseCEOTimCook, based of course in Cupertino, says he’s “bringing back the rainbow Apple logo, one stripe at a time.”

“Yeah, I just got 1,000,000 shares of Apple Stock. Let’s hope I don’t f*** this up,” he tweeted recently in between legal threats. We caught up with the false CEO to ask him about the transition and his plans for Apple.

The Onion reported that you’re thinking about a new line of beige printers. How worried should we be?

I wouldn’t call it worried. I would say a late 2012 release date because we have to get the white model coloring perfect.

You must feel a lot of pressure to fill the shoes of a guy with a cult following. How has your reception been so far? What do you think of the news reporting on the transition?

I think my reception has been pretty good here in Cupertino. All five bars on my Verizon iPhone. As far as the transition goes, as Steve would say, don’t believe all the rumors.

Do you plan to cultivate your own cult following, and if so, what will your strategy be?

Yes, my own cult following would be great. My strategy is based around Keynotes and Twitter. My first shot will be the next generation iPhone Keynote. If I use words like “magical” and “revolutionary,” then I think people will begin to have faith in me.

As far as Twitter goes, the more followers I have, the better the products will be.

When do we get Flash on the iPad?

When are pigs going to fly?

Why does the iPhone 5 have such a tiny screen?

Size isn’t everything.

Did you get any new Apple logo design submissions as per your tweet?

Not yet, but I am still looking into bringing the rainbow logo back. As a matter of fact, I saw a rainbow on the way to work this morning and I nearly crashed my Porsche.

Lastly, what do you think of @TheRealTimCook, @ITimCook and @ceotimcook?

Some of them haven’t tweeted in awhile. Doesn’t matter, though. I’ll have our new intern @comex hack them.

Who are you really and what inspired you to create this parody account?

My personal account is @NatesiPhone. I created the parody account because I have a lot of funny thoughts that I want to get out to the world. I’m just working on getting more followers. Interview With @FalseCEOTimCook: ‘My Own Cult Following Would Be Great’