Subway Cell Service Proves “Everything’s Amazing and Nobody’s Happy” Theory

Now life is perfect!

First the iPhone was only available to AT&T customers, forcing Verizon users to wait four whole years until they could play Angry Birds like the rest of the tech elite. But with the release of the Android and various other Smartphones using a variety of carriers, it no longer seemed necessary to pay the $200 cancellation fee to switch cell phone providers. Until now.

As we reported last week, yesterday saw the first phase of the MTA’s subway cell plan put into action. In various underground Chelsea locations it is now possible for AT&T and T-Mobile customers to receive service, leaving Verizon customers once again in the dust, staring glumly at our unsent texts while the person next to us gabs away happily.

This was an actual phone conversation that took place at the A/C/E platform in 14th Street/8th Avenue station today at approximately 11:15 a.m.:

*Cell phone rings to the tune of Taio Cruz‘s “Dynamite” very loudly. A lady pulls out her phone.*

AT&T customer: Hey girl! How are you calling me?


AT&T: Because I’m on the subway! I’m waiting for the train!


AT&T: (laughs) This is so weird. I can hear you really well. I wonder why I’m getting reception. Do you think this will work on the train?

*We consider whether or not to interrupt her conversation and explain that her phone isn’t magic and to stop rubbing it in everyone’s faces, but decide against it.*

AT&T: Wait, what? After the bar, I went home…no, I wasn’t there. Who said I was there?


AT&T: They are fucking lying.


AT&T: There can’t be photos on Facebook because I wasn’t there. I swear to God, why would I lie…

*C Uptown arrives, and we all board. Train pulls out of the station.*

AT&T: Hello? Hello? *Stares at phone* Are you kidding me??

We spent the next fifteen minutes watching this lady desperately try to call her friend and then, when that didn’t work, log on to Facebook. And we took a small bit of pleasure in it, not going to lie. It’s like the Louis C.K. bit about sitting next to a guy on a plane with WiFi.

MTA tried to make life a little more amazing for a group of select cell phone users, and nobody is happy. (Especially not us, since we’ll never know how that lady will deal with clearing her name with an evil after-party doppelganger running about.)

On the plus side, that one dropped call represents another step toward the technological singularity. Fingers crossed!

Subway Cell Service Proves “Everything’s Amazing and Nobody’s Happy” Theory