Where to Take a Relaxing Bath with An Expensively Expansive View of Metrotech

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CORE has a listing for five-bed, five-bath, 5,100-square-foot condo, with luxurious accents of a very certain taste, that looms above downtown Brooklyn from a decidedly un-luxurious location.

But if you love the idea of living in downtown Brooklyn while peering down on it imperiously from above, but don’t like a lot of tempered glass in your interior design or living at the foot of the Manhattan Bridge, we’ve got some bad news…

The place will cost you $7.5 million up front and monthly fees ($3,282 in common charges plus $176 in monthly real estate taxes) that rival a nice-sized rental in a better neighborhood.

And then there’s the aforementioned aesthetic.

Some sort of great room (which incidentally reminds us of a suburban McMansion on MTV’s Cribs) is dominated by twin staircases that are made of a green glass that brings to mind the lucite heel of an exotic dancer.

But, hey, if that’s your “look,” you should be fine as this place looks readymade for the type of seedy party that sets the stage for the pre-credit sequence of any Law & Order episode.

In fact, take a look and tell us you can’t get a clear mental picture of a naked female leg protruding out from behind a white couch with a bottle of Champagne (the murder weapon most likely), lying on the white fur rug nearby.

“Life on top,” says Jerry Orbach in his laconic, comically dead-on delivery.

Dunh dunh!

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