Dear Megyn Kelly:
Earlier this week on Bill O’Reilly you minimized the effects of the pepper spray used by police on UC Davis students. “It’s like a derivative of real pepper,” you said. “It’s a food product essentially.”
This comment, as you know, has sparked outrage all over the country. Currently, there is a petition with 11,000 signatures asking you to undergo a pepper spraying yourself, so you can notice the difference between a police weapon and something you put on your low-carb chicken Fiesta salad.
The New York Observer wants to extend this offer even further: Come to our offices, Ms. Kelly, and let us document your experience of being maced or sprayed with high grade pepper spray.
You might be wondering “Why should I let The New York Observer in on this piece of stunt journalism? If I do this, why wouldn’t I want it to be done by professionals, like that time Christopher Hitchens was waterboarded or Rick Sanchez was tasered?”
The answer is simple: if you let us pepper spray you, we’ll allow you to pepper spray one of us to disprove the counterargument that pepper spray is more than just “abrasive.” (We’ll keep milk and VISINE handy.) If it turns out that being sprayed in the face is more a tactic of fear than actual physical pain, than your point will be proven and people will stop making fun of you on the Internet. And even if it does turn out to be a painful, somewhat terrifying experience for you, then you’ll get the chance to retaliate in kind…an option never presented to protesters.
It’s a win-win, really. Please let us know ASAP, so we can start assembling the necessary materials. We can do it on a Friday, so the red, swollen eyes won’t get in the way of your next TV appearance.
The New York Observer