Falling Back Into This Week

Lindsay Lohan.

We never can remember…is it “spring forward, fall back” or the other way around? Either way, we’ve been three hours late to every party since March and we’re just happy to have an extra hour to sleep in.

Even an early bird had good reason to toast the night this weekend when Charlie Day hosted Saturday Night Live (and bizarrely shrieked the lines of his monologue) to surprising thunderous applause. Was anyone else slightly disconcerted by how insanely scream-y his fans were, considering that before Horrible Bosses the only thing the actor was known for was an FX cult sitcom? Well, you know what this newfound celeb status means, hipsters? It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is over. We kid, we kid. (Danny DeVito, we love your work!)

For those of you who don’t enjoy the meandering meanness of the modern day Seinfeld, at least you had the NYC marathon to look forward to. We beat our personal record of counting how many celebrities we could spot in the throng of 47,000 runners: Christy Turlington, Michael K. Williams from The Wire, Boardwalk Empire’s Paul Sparks, not one but two Olympians (Apolo Ohno and Jennie Finch), and—wait for it—Andy Baldwin. You know…that bachelor from the 10th season of The Bachelor? The marine who inspired ABC to briefly rename the show in 2007 The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman? Nothing? Oh well, they say fame is fleeting, but at least Mr. Baldwin—who in addition to being in the Navy is also a triathlete and a physician—is trying to keep up. (And yes, ladies, he’s still single.)

Still, Mr. Baldwin still has to cede his skills as a runner to another competitor: Bachelorette winner (and reality TV colleague?) Ryan Sutter, who finished the race in 3 hours, 17 minutes and 58 seconds…the fastest time for any celebrity. Equally surprising is the fact that Mr. Sutter is still married to Trisha Sutter (nee Rehn), the woman who gave him the red rose all those years ago. Eight years of marriage based on a reality show relationship? Sorry, that noise you hear right now is the sound of Kris Humphries quietly weeping into his pillow.

We didn’t notice who actually won the marathon, but we’re sure he or she did a great job. Though definitely not as well as our football teams are doing. With the Jets and the Giants both scoring wins on Sunday night, we almost forgot about that NBA lockout. If it goes on for too much longer, will Jay-Z promise to invest in MetLife stadium? After all, the Giants have the primary quality he likes in a New York sports team: they’re located in New Jersey.

But we have to caution against having too much fun on Sunday nights, lest you follow in the wobbly footsteps of Anthony Marx, president of the New York Public library. Mr. Marx was arrested on drunk driving charges when he put his Audi in reverse and steered himself backwards into a sanitation truck in Harlem. We know that librarians generally tend to be a pretty rowdy bunch, but someone should have told Mr. Marx that mimicking Lindsay Lohan won’t suddenly make books sexier.

Weirdly, Ms. Lohan is actually having a better week than the average literate person; her Playboy cover will pay out nearly one million dollars, and she was released from a Los Angeles jail less than five hours after being admitted for a 30 day sentence for violating the terms of her probation. Or maybe it was four hours. (When did the time change happen, again?)

Falling Back Into This Week