Herman Cain Presents: '9-9-9 The Movie' [Video]

A still from Herman Cain's cinematic masterpiece. (Photo: Youtube)

Herman Cain spent the last month dealing with sex scandals and an embarrassing interview performance, but the former Godfather’s Pizza CEO is ready to get back to discussing his favored topic–the “9-9-9” tax plan. Yesterday, the Cain campaign released “9-9-9 The Movie,” a six minute video touting the plan’s purported power to slay a slew of fearsome enemies including nefarious bureaucrats, a president on the class warpath and the monstrous federal tax code. 

Mr. Cain’s dramatization of his tax plan features black-and-white animations illustrating the effects of his plan, which involves “scrapping” the current tax code in favor of a 9% personal income tax, a 9% business tax and 9% national sales tax. The clip’s narrator promises these changes would cause the economy to “accelerate faster than Barack Obama on his way out of town.”

We would add $2 trillion to GDP and create 6 million jobs. Business investment would increase by a third, wages would go up 10 %. At the same time, federal revenues would go up 15% and we would never have to spend the IRS recommended 37 hours filling out forms,” the narrator says in the video.

Neither “9-9-9 The Movie” or its accompanying website, TheCainSolution.com, include citations showing the basis for these incredible claims.

Mr. Cain’s Republican rivals have criticized the plan because it adds an additional category of federal taxes with the national sales tax. In the video, the narrator points out that we were effectively already paying taxes on a portion of all purchases because businesses were passing on the costs of higher income taxes by charging higher prices. Mr. Cain’s movie also notes that “9-9-9” would also give government the opportunity to profit off of criminal activity.

“Anyone nervous about introducing a national sales tax should realize that we’re essentially paying one right now, it just isn’t visible,” the narrator says. “Once these taxes are out in the open it incentivizes savings and doesn’t allow tourists, imports or even underground activity to sneak by.”

A charming cartoon gun is used to indicate all of the potential proceeds from crime we could start raking in.

Other critics of Mr. Cain’s plan claim it raises taxes for poor and middle class Americans while cutting costs for big businesses and the rich. Mr. Cain’s “9-9-9” movie argues the plan will force corporations to drop prices to when faced with the awe inspiring power of the free market.

“How do we know that cutting business taxes will mean lower prices for us?” the narrator asks. “Actually, businesses care about something called competition so they’ll be held accountable by the largest, most powerful enforcement group in the nation–that’s us, hundreds of millions of american consumers.”

Mr. Cain’s “9-9-9” movie ends with a rousing climax in the form of a plumbing metaphor.

“For far too long, we’ve been the hapless victims of a monstrously dysfunctional tax code,” the narrator says. “It’s time to throw that baby out with the bath water, and then bleach the tub, and then put in a sump pump to keep it from overflowing on us again. With your support the “9-9-9″ plan will do just that.”

Watch the complete “9-9-9” movie below.

Herman Cain Presents: '9-9-9 The Movie' [Video]