November 22, 2011: Catchers and Pitchers To Report Less Than 100 days: Mets Mathematically Eliminated
“We are very disappointed, but there’s always 2013,”
With spring training just around the corner, catchers and pitchers for most teams are reporting to Florida and Arizona sometime around February 18. The remainder of the team, infielders, outfielders and team coaches report about two weeks later.
Baseball commissioner Bud Selig, who has been in office since 1998, “We were looking forward to another very exciting season of baseball <yawn>. The 2011 World Series between the…uh…umm… between the American League champion in the National League champion… was very exciting. At least that’s what they told me.”
“I can’t wait,” said Ira “Flip” Silverblatt, 34. ”Spring-training is the most exciting time of year for me. It gives me an opportunity to get out of my parent’s basement, and go to Wa Wa’s and buy a newspaper and read about the Mets. Anyway, most of the other kids stop playing online Strat-O-Matic baseball around that time year anyway”. Silverblatt lives with his parents in Freehold, Max and Celia Silverblatt, retired candy store owners.
The New York Mets, however, were mathematically eliminated last Tuesday from the 2012 season, as reported in Baseball Today Magazine. “We are very disappointed, but there’s always 2013,” offered New York Mets manager, Terry Collins, a former minor league shortstop. “This will give us a good time to retool, and trade away our best players for Single A minor-league nobodies and injured aging has-beens.”
In other news, the staff at Major League Baseball was attempting to find online “exactly which two teams played in the 2011 World Series.”
“We are pretty sure it was not the Yankees and Phillies, but that’s all we have at this time,” said Norman LaJoie, the Executive Director of the National Office of Baseball Statistics located in New York City.