A Treasury of Andrea Peyser’s Very Best Prison Rape Fantasies

(Courtesy: AndreaPeyser.com)

The New York Post’s tender-hearted angel of mercy, Andrea Peyser, is best known for the deeply humanistic perspective with which she handles the sensitive criminal proceedings of our legal system. Less well appreciated is her concern for the good physical hygiene of those society has cast aside.

“My advice to Pedro: Don’t pick up the soap.”
—on Sen. Pedro Espada, Jr., May 15, 2012

“Enjoy the communal showers, Sen. Piggy.”—on Sen. Espada, Jr.,  April 27, 2012

“…the boys can dine on the prison’s famed kosher cuisine while enjoying warm showers.”—on Sen. Carl Kruger and Micahel Turano, May 3, 2012

“… guaranteed to spend years in the company of large and hairy individuals you wouldn’t want to meet in the shower.”—on Cameron Douglas, April 21, 2010

“…he’s going away for a very long time—permanently trading life in a mansion for…shared showers with men half his age.”—on O.J. Simpson, December 6, 2008

“…Bernie might be singing in the communal prison shower by now.”
—on Bernie Madoff, January 13, 2009

“The monster who once hid in the shadows and called the shots must from now on cower in the shower.”—on Peter Braunstein, May 24, 2007

“As she spends her days stocking up on unfamiliar cotton underwear and liquid soap—safer for those communal showers—it might seem high time for the sponge-headed blonde to take responsibility for her crimes.”—on Paris Hilton, May 8, 2007

“Aha! Now we know how Martha Stewart triumphed through five months in the federal pokey. Two words: Liquid soap.”—on Martha Stewart, July 21, 2005

“Today…Martha Stewart gets busy stocking up on her supply of liquid soap—safer for those communal showers….”—on Martha Stewart, March 6, 2004 A Treasury of Andrea Peyser’s Very Best Prison Rape Fantasies