New York City Public Advocate Finally Advocates for Fireworks Equality!

Boom goes de Blasio! Outer-borough freedom fighters demand showering sparks show equality for East River.

Some of us aren’t Scrooge McDuck-wealthy. Some of us don’t have the time/wherewithal/patience to deal with the crowds on the West Side Highway who gather to view the Macy’s July 4th Fireworks every year.

Or some of us just live in Queens and Brooklyn, and don’t want to haul ourselves to the other side of Manhattan to watch fireworks that for all intents and purposes should belong exclusively to New Yorkers but still have to share with New Jersey for some reason. And that seems to be quite a few people, no? Yet: Macy’s, year after year, has continued their tradition of exploding colored gunpowder over the Hudson River ever year, instead of the East River.

Until now. Hopefully. Because we have someone advocating for us.

With a website.

Yes, public advocate Bill de Blasio has taken up The People’s Cause along with superhero-sounding State Senator Daniel Squadron and Marty Markowitz (who would campaign with Spider Man as his running mate if he could do such a thing, utilitarian that he is) have teamed up to take on the persecution of outer-borough residents from receiving the fireworks we so deserve for having to put up with Macy’s and all the irritating tourists who seem to congregate around their stores, which are usually in some of our most trafficked pedestrian areas.

Now, you may be thinking: What a frivolous way for a politician to spend their time! You are probably not from New York, where advocacy for ostensibly frivolous things on behalf of our politicians is pretty standard. For context, this is like the opposite of what Sen. Chuck “Fun Destroyer” Schumer does.

Anyway, they have a petition you can sign. Do it before July 4th or else we will all die of sadness and New Jersey will win again. | @weareyourfek

New York City Public Advocate Finally Advocates for Fireworks Equality!