Wells Fargo’s Collections Division in Great Shape (When it Comes to Collecting on Dying Breast Cancer Patients)

If Wells Fargo’s shareholders were looking for some positive news—or really, any reason to have fuller faith and confidence in the next quarterly statement—they need look no further than the American heartland, where Wells Fargo is working hard to keep everyone honest, and debtors paying their bills on time.

By collecting on a woman with Stage 4 Breast Cancer, which is going to be all over every local North Carolina news broadcast by the end of tonight, and every national news outlet tomorrow. After all, when has any story about a bank that’s started off like this…

To say that Kirk Davis loves his wife Cindi just doesn’t quite cut it. Married for 19 years, Kirk and Cindi are in it together, for better for worse.

…ever—ever—ended well for the bank? And oh, does this WCNC report get better (and worse):

But cancer is just one of their fights. Kirk and Cindi Davis are also fighting to keep their home. In and out of foreclosure since 2008, Wells Fargo is telling Kirk and Cindi they have to pay $873 a month to stay. “They want us to make a house payment of almost $900 a month. We can afford maybe half that. I pay $1,100 a month in prescription medications,” Cindi said.

Before we get to Wells Fargo’s response, here’s the last sentence of the report:

“If it does hit the brain, there’s nothing we can do,” cried Cindi’s husband, Kirk.

And by ‘nothing we can do’ he means ‘nothing we can do (to pay your loans off, because we’re dead)’” some middle manager at some point explained to some well-to-do collections agent below him, who, let’s face it, got better job perks at The Gap only thee months ago.

Naturally, Wells Fargo response to this is standard “we can’t disclose individuals’ etc” boilerplate flackspeak:

“We understand that many of our customers may face challenges beyond their mortgage payment, so we often work with local housing counselors and other non profits that can help determine if any other assistance may be available. It’s important for customers to continue to work with their servicers and advise them of any changes in their situation. In assisting customers we must follow investor guidelines. These guidelines determine the kind and amount of assistance a borrower may receive. We work hard to help our customers maintain homeownership and view foreclosure as a last resort.”

Which, again, instills confidence in their collecting ability. Humanity? Meh.

fkamer@observer.com | @weareyourfek Wells Fargo’s Collections Division in Great Shape (When it Comes to Collecting on Dying Breast Cancer Patients)