Robert Pattinson’s Cosmopolis Co-Star Feels His Pain: His Delivered Umami Burgers Get Cold!

“It’s not the sex you think I’ve had—it’s the sex I want. That’s what you smell on me,” Robert Pattinson growls to a co-star in his new film Cosmopolis. In another scene, a doctor performs an exam on Mr. Pattinson in a moving limousine. “Your prostrate is asymmetrical,” the doctor informs the heartthrob.

Though these (real!) lines of dialogue are absurd, they are nothing compared to the farcical spectacle The Observer witnessed outside the Peggy Siegal Company premiere at MOMA last night.

The newly single Mr. Pattinson ventured out wearing an elegant blue Gucci suit. As the retired vampire inched down the red carpet, the swarm of journalists covering the event whipped off their flats en masse and quickly slipped into sparkly, 3-inch heels. This was his first appearance since news broke that his girlfriend, Kristen Stewart, had cheated on him with the married director Rupert Sanders.

Indeed, Mr. Pattinson has been having a very difficult few weeks. Beyond the very public breakup, he hasn’t even been able to go out and buy a burger! Co-star Emily Hampshire and “instant bestie” told us about his hardship.

“We were talking about Umami Burger and he was like, ‘That’s the best burger in the world, but I haven’t been able to go out and get one. I’ve had to have it sent to me and it gets cold,’” Ms. Hampshire lamented. “He copes with it so well, he doesn’t complain. I mean, if I couldn’t have a Umami Burger I’d be complaining.”
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Robert Pattinson’s <em>Cosmopolis</em> Co-Star Feels His Pain: His Delivered Umami Burgers Get Cold!