New TV Show Casting for the Sexually Sluggish

Some people are willing to do anything to get on television: admit they are drug addicts, hoarders or horrible mothers/wives/girlfriends who drink almost as much Chardonnay as they throw in their co-stars’ faces. And you know what? God bless them. If not for Go-Go juice and the future of diabetes paraded around for America to laugh and love and inwardly hate themselves for allowing this spectacle to go on, how else would we get our entertainment?

But you have to wonder where the line is for some of these desperate reality show types, who, after all, can only hope to become famous for being not-famous (i.e. for playing “themselves,” not-famous people, on television, where they will become famous and have to keep up the façade that they are still leading a normal life even if they were on Jimmy Kimmel the night before, since otherwise the whole illusion would be shattered and they would have to go back to being actually not famous, as opposed to constructed “reality” of non-famousness).

Which is all a long way of saying: how desperate do you have to be to go on a casting call whose main requirement is being too tired and/or busy to have sex?

First of all, welcome to life. We’re all too tired and/or busy to have sex. Sex was for the pre-recession Clinton-era of fecundity and cigars. Now we can barely get it up to sext.

Second: No one would ever go in front of a large room full of people and admit that they are too tired and/or busy to have sex, because a) it’s embarrassing, and b) no one cares, because we are too busy thinking about how we just want to go home and jump in bed with our partners for a good five hours of rest before we have to get up and go through the same daily grind again tomorrow.

It’s hard to imagine what sort of demo this kind of schadenfreude would even appeal to. The people who relate to it won’t get that quickie high of Jersey Shore, in an “at least my life isn’t that bad,” kind of way, because it is that bad. (In fact, Jersey Shore lost all its cachet as soon as the stars started sobering up and stopped slutting around.) Will it be entertaining? Inspirational? Will Dr. Drew be involved, and will Honey Boo Boo slap him again? These are the questions we kind of want answered, and we won’t rest until we get them, or at least until we just slump over from exhaustion, because it’s been a really tough week, you know? New TV Show Casting for the Sexually Sluggish