Disrupt the Pizza Roll! New Scientific Invention Relieves Dreaded Hot Pocket Mouth Burn

Viva science!

Delicious devil food. (Photo: Food IRL)

It is one of the most devastating truths of human existence: pizza rolls are endlessly tasty, but the second you bite into one a painful eruption of molten cheese and boiling red sauce pours into your mouth like a cruel pizza volcano. And don’t even get us started on Hot Pockets.

The lava-like quality of pizza rolls is an important phenomenon, one so galling that it has engendered its own Urban Dictionary entry:

A pizza roll is a bunch of something that i’m not sure of rolled into a little roll. And as soon as you bite into those little fuckers it bursts out the other end, so you have to stuff the whole thing in your mouth. Only to realize its like a mouthful of lava! Pizza-y, yummy lava! …… but that doesnt mean it doesnt burn like shit

Luckily for impatient pizza hounds–not to mention hot coffee guzzlers–scientists at the University of Texas at Austin have developed an oral strip that dissolves in your mouth and provides instant relief for oral burns. Whatchu got to say about that, Totino’s?

According to the American Association of Pharmaceutical Scientists:

Lead researcher Jason McConville, Ph.D., and colleagues from University of Texas at Austin, designed the strip for controlled delivery of a local anesthetic, benzocaine, and a therapeutic polymer. Benzocaine, commonly used as a topical pain reliever in dental products and throat lozenges, was chosen as for its non-irritating properties.

The strip is applied directly to the burned part of the tongue, cheek or roof of the mouth. It sticks to the affected area and won’t interfere with normal day-to-day activities, as it quickly dissolves for instant pain relief and promotes healing.

Never again will pizza rolls reap their cruel tyranny on our delicate palates.

Disrupt the Pizza Roll! New Scientific Invention Relieves Dreaded Hot Pocket Mouth Burn