Scientist Predicts We’re Turning Into Bratz Dolls

Don't worry, one geneticist calls the claim "horseshit."

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A geneticist has predicted that in the future we really will have the cartoonishly huge eyes of the Jetsons, all the better to take in the dark Martian colonies we’ll call home. Science!

Forbes summed up the results of a hypothesis formed by artist and researcher Nickolay Lamm, who, along with computational geneticist Dr. Alan Kwan, reasearched and illustrated what humans–specifically, white ones–might look like 100,000 years in the future.

To start with, he says the human forehead has been expanding since as early as the 14th century, so we will probably have full-on fiveheads millenia from now to accommodate our brains.

Dr. Kwan believes humans will have control over the genome and live on other planets starting 60,000 years from now, Forbes reports, so we’ll want larger eyes to take in our dimly lit outer-space surroundings. Also, skin will need to be more darkly pigmented to protect us from planets without ozone layers. In the renderings, Mr. Lamm’s two Caucasian models sport perma-tans that would make Snooki jealous.

And 100,000 years from now, Dr. Kwan believes we’ll engineer our faces with a heavy bias toward “features that humans find fundamentally appealing: strong, regal lines, straight nose, intense eyes, and placement of facial features that adhere to the golden ratio of left/right perfect symmetry,” he says, as reported in Forbes. Also, he’s pretty sure high-tech contacts will replace Google Glass.

Unfortunately, those “intense eyes” skew more Bratz doll than Robert Pattinson, according to Mr. Lamm’s illustration.

Thankfully, not everyone agrees with Dr. Kwan’s bug-eyed assessment. Forbes staffer Matthew Herper calls the prediction “science fiction that belongs in the same category as the big-headed aliens from the first Star Trek pilot.” Mr. Herper conducted a Twitter survey of some geneticists, one of whom dismissed Dr. Kwan’s work as “horseshit.”

Dr. Kwan shot back, defending the project as “purely speculative,” not an actual scientific experiment. Well, while we’re at it, we’d like to speculate that one day, the ideal Caucasian female will be a shade of pale currently considered sickly, with a body that’s never been ravaged by the evils of exercise. Wouldn’t that be nice.

Scientist Predicts We’re Turning Into Bratz Dolls