I’ve purchased a bike-share pass, but my bike does not move.
You have to pedal.
Where is the motor?
There is no motor. One of the goals of the bike-share program is to reduce noise and pollution.
Wouldn’t it create jobs if the bike-share program hired employees to pedal clients to their destinations?
You have to pedal yourself. There’s no way around it.
Are there bike-share bicycles built for two so we can team up and get through this together?
One user per bike. And no, users are not permitted to ride on another user’s handlebars.
Are there bike-share Geniuses to help troubleshoot how to learn to ride a bike-share bike?
It is understood that only people who already know how to ride bikes will participate in the program.
Isn’t that discrimination against bicycle-deficient citizens?
We’re trying to do a responsible thing. It’s not for everyone.
Are extra points awarded for beating other bike-share racers to the next station?
The bike-share program is meant to provide affordable alternative transportation. It is not a race.
Then why, every time I look behind me, are other bike-share bikers chasing me?
They aren’t chasing you. They are traveling to their destination, which happens to be in the same direction you are traveling.
Can the bikes be used for jousting?
No one wants to be knocked from a bike with a lance to the chest during his or her commute.
Can we put the bike in the back of a cab and be driven to the next station?
That defeats the purpose of the bike-share program, but technically yes.
Is it true a rival gang of bike-share bikers has been vandalizing our bike-share gang’s stations?
The bike-share program does not have gangs. We consist of independent, socially responsible, environmentally conscious constituents trying to get from one point to another without harming the environment.
Then why are other bikers flashing me gang signs?
Those are hand signals alerting other bikers to where they are going.
If we pull a hammy mid-ride, can we get extra injury time added to our rental period?
That’s not how it works. Maybe this isn’t for you. Have you considered other forms of public transportation?
Is there a bike-share pit crew if we crash, or if we get bike-jacked (or bike-jousted!), or if our bike-share bike accidentally ends up in a river or an elevator shaft?
If you crash or suffer any setbacks, no matter how implausible, please call 911.
How do we know the bike-share program isn’t some elaborate Ponzi scheme?
It’s not a Ponzi scheme.
But isn’t that exactly what someone running a Ponzi scheme would say? How do we know we aren’t pouring money into a fraudulent investment vehicle, one that has us all duped with these shiny, trouble-free bikes, and once the caper has achieved transportation utopia, in which traffic buildup has disappeared, smog and noise and stress have dwindled to acceptable toxic levels, strangers of competing ethnicities and careers take turns merging, stopping for pedestrians, calling out “good morning,” returning bikes to docking stations and wiping them clean just to be better citizens—how do we know, once that is achieved, that you won’t up and disappear with our money?
Just take the bus.
