Ancient Supreme Court Justices Haven’t Really ‘Gotten To’ Using Email Yet

But do they have Snapchat?

(Photo: Getty)
Coolin #nofilter (Photo: Getty)

America’s most influential council of elders (besides the judges of Dancing With the Stars) is so out of touch with the people whose lives their decisions impact day-to-day, they don’t even use email, Justice Elena Kagan says.

Instead, the people tasked with some of the biggest policy decisions of our time are still using paper memos to communicate, Justice Kagan is quoted as saying on Politico. This makes the Vatican’s pope-naming shades-of-grey smoke show look charmingly vintage.

“It’s a challenge for us,” Justice Kagan reportedly said, adding that the other justices havent “really ‘gotten to’ email.” As the youngest justice at a spry 53, though, Justice Kagan uses email, goes online and reads blogs herself. Here is how the other justices communicate, as described by Politico:

“She says justices write memos, which are then printed out on ivory paper that looks like it came from the 19th century. The memos are walked around the building by someone called a ‘chambers aide.’

Also, each morning, George Washington’s ghost rises from the dead to give the justices a few wig-powdering pointers and help them screw in their wooden teeth.

On the bright side, Justice Kagan says, when a case involving violent video games came up a few years ago, “justices who had never played the games before dove in and gave them a try,” Politico reports. “It was kind of hilarious,” Justice Kagan is quoted as saying.

That does sound hilarious. We’d like a reality show about the largely septuagenarian tribunal shooting the shit a la Veep, please. Ancient Supreme Court Justices Haven’t Really ‘Gotten To’ Using Email Yet