Stephen Colbert Takes on New York’s Most Famous Catholics at Al Smith Dinner (Audio)

Stephen Colbert and Al Dolan at the Al Smith Dinner. (Getty)
Stephen Colbert and Cardinal Dolan at the Al Smith Dinner. (Getty)

The Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner is an annual white tie fundraising gala to benefit Catholic Charities USA, and it’s attendance sheet each year is filled with enough important names to make you wonder if the Jews are maybe losing their foothold in this city. Between Mayor Bloomberg, Cardinal Dolan, Gov. Cuomo, Sen. Charles Schumer and Police Comissioner Ray Kelly, the event last night at the Waldorf-Astoria was not only a political powerhouse, but one that managed to raise over $3 million.

And lest you think this was a lot of podium guilt-talk, The Dinner had a 16 minute keynote address from Stephen Colbert, which you can listen to below

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To Ray Kelly: Are you alone or did you bring the whole biker gang?”

To Cuomo: “[It’s] an honor to be here on the stage with you. I didn’t know how you could possibly tear yourself away from the excitement that is Albany on a Thursday evening. I believe it’s all-you-can-eat iceberg lettuce night at the Sizzler.”

To Cardinal Dolan: “You look like a matador who’s really let himself go.”

To Quinn: “Future mayor of New York City Christine Quinn is with us tonight. I’m sorry, I wrote that a long time ago. I apologize. Is she here? She’s not here. I thought she was a shoo-in, I really did. I mean, New York City is the only place in the world where the lesbian candidate was too conservative.” Stephen Colbert Takes on New York’s Most Famous Catholics at Al Smith Dinner (Audio)