Newsflash: Brooklyn Is <em>Not</em> the New Brooklyn

'Brooklyn 'til I die.' - Jay Z, Cleveland wannabe

Imagine yourself standing in the center of your favorite borough: the twang of weird bands shuffling out of local bars; collisions of classic salsa refrains, Flatbush Zombies mix tapes under the melodic car horns mixing on all fronts.

Some fume indistinguishable from Bay Ridge industrial exhaust and the pizza made by hands rivaled only the Italian originators themselves catch your nose. You notice the sound of the ocean to the south.

Now open your eyes: Where are you?

Brooklyn is contagious. (Getty)
Brooklyn is contagious. (Getty)

You’re in Cleveland. Or maybe Detroit.

According to Fortune, the next nexus of the plaid and mustached is anywhere but Brooklyn. The race is on between Cleveland, Detroit and Louisville to promise affordable real estate, trendy businesses and an attractive nightlife in the hopes of attaining the crown of the next grand settlement for America’s cool and hip.

The so-called odds are 63 percent in favor of Cleveland, 39 percent for Detroit and a devastating 91 percent for Louisville, according to the magazine. We’re not sure of the scientific methods it employed to brand the new Brooklyns, but last we checked, Brooklyn is Brooklyn is Brooklyn.

Residents of Cleveland are also not so keen on their city’s new name.

“Well, I’ve never lived in Brooklyn, so I couldn’t really speak on that,” Cleveland State University Student Evan Schultz told Fox. “But I think that Cleveland more or less wants to be its own kind of place. I don’t think they want to be another Brooklyn. I think they just want to be Cleveland.

There may be some perks to supporting revitalization in the Rust Belt—a “Brooklyn Boheme part two” cropping somewhere on Gratiot Aveue couldn’t possibly arrive a moment too soon.

After all, New York is just a state of mind.


Newsflash: Brooklyn Is <em>Not</em> the New Brooklyn