Every frustrated Argentine’s dream is to retire to some beach in Brazil, open up a sleepy pousada, and forget about the neurosis-inducing chaos back home. That’s why Argentines run Buzios (the Hamptons of Rio), basically annexed Florianopolis in the 70’s and 80s, swarm Ilha Grande, and hole up in tropical beaches like Pipa up north. In a related twist, it’s become muito chic for affluent Brazilians to go skiing in Argentina now. Since colonial days, there’s been a mostly friendly back and forth between the South American neighbors.
When it comes to football, however, things get heated quickly.
Rio mayor Eduardo Paes summed it up for most Brazilians when he declared that if Argentina were to win the cup on Brazilian soil, he’d kill himself. Basically, any self-respecting Argentine would rather make passionate love to a paper shredder than see Brazil win yet another title at home.
Any topic is fair game to take a shot at each other (witness this goofy Argentine cumbia tune celebrating the election of Pope Francis). The Brazilians, avid consumers that they are, have chosen to express their feelings though a budding genre of Argentine-mocking advertising centered around the storied rivalry. Below, I present the top five anti-Argentine Brazilian football ads.
The Guarana-induced Maradona nightmare
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STLKX8qCMuY&w=635]
The Maradona as smack-talking armchair in a spot for a Brazilian eBay knockoff
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f256QgiVARQ&w=635]
The stereotypical Argentine dudes who ingest Brazilian beer and turn into stereotypical Samba-dancing Brazilians dudes.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Q7aHfan3A0&w=635]
The sequel to the Saatchi and Saatchi-made Skol advert, featuring more mulletted Argentines guzzling Skol beer.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wJhbc-lANw&w=635]
The Faustian Bargain, wherein a gang of rowdy Argentines show up at Brazilian electronics retailer and are offered a discount on a massive flat screen if Brazil wins the World Cup. They sell out for the TV.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtxfxIXJcr4&w=635]
Out-of-work Argentine actors take heed.
Fernando Cwilich Gil is a painter, writer and unabashed Maradona supporter. Follow him on twitter at @losmaradonianos
