The Onion’s ‘Who’s F*cking?’ Nails the New York Times’ Wedding Announcements

Because that's the part anyone cares about

One of the two following quotes is from The New York Times’ Wedding Announcement section with one word omitted. The other is from the Onion’s new web-series, titled Who’s Fucking?, with one word omitted. Please let me know if you can tell the difference.

The first: “I can be a little shy sometimes, but I said to myself, ‘You better go up and introduce yourself because if you don’t, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.’ We started talking and now, well, here we are. Now we are _____.”

The second: “The way he grabbed my hand was the most genuine, warm, positive greeting I think I’ve ever gotten, He exudes positivity and friendliness. I thought, ‘I want to _____ this person.’”

The answer isn’t that important (1 is the Onion and 2 is NYT, for those who must know), because the real point is that the Onion nails it in this parody series of the Times’ self-aggrandizing wedding announcement page. Read through a couple, but keep a vomit bag at the ready. It’s made up of the “From the moment he spilled his vodka tonic on my dress at the office party, I knew he was the one” stories from New York City’s elite.

While Gawker previously turned the section into a heated competition, The Onion breaks it down to what pretty much everyone cares about. We get it, we get it, you found someone to boink for the rest of your life. Congrats.

Here are the first three episodes of Who’s Fucking? If there is a child or a person who might be offended by the term “deep-dicking” in the room, earmuffs!

The Onion’s ‘Who’s F*cking?’ Nails the New York Times’ Wedding Announcements