To Do This Week: Gas Up the Copter and Pretend You’re French

I see you are not in France this summer. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

George Takei  (Photo by Suhaimi Abdullah/Getty Images)
George Takei
(Photo by Suhaimi Abdullah/Getty Images)

Wednesday, July 23

Do you love New York? Oh, my God, you must, right? So even though right now the heat is rising off the pavement like something that would be described in a Jackie Susann novel with an absolutely insane metaphor (“like an angry concrete animal”) you must also attend the I LOVE NEW YORK Press Conference and Regional Marketplace, where New York State Regional Representatives gather to tell you what’s in store for fall, as well as when the streets will once again be like mildly tempered concrete animals. Wyndham New Yorker Hotel, 481 Eighth Avenue, 9:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m., invite only

Thursday, July 24

Of course you need an Andy Warhol to hang over your vanity, and you need a Banksy to show you’re trendy and a Jeff Koons because everyone needs one now. Everyone. You can put it in the children’s room. If by any chance you’re missing any of these, come tonight to The Art Southampton VIP Preview, which will be curated by John Alexander, and sponsored by Graff Diamonds, Maserati and Ruinart champagne. Art Southhampton Pavillion at the Southhampton Elks Lodge, 605 Country Road. Platinum VIP Preview 6 p.m. – 7:30p.m.; followed by VIP Preview, 7:30-10 p.m.

Friday, July 25

Do you care about politics? Everything is politics. Well, that’s a very strong statement. Some things are, I guess. But IssueVoter is a new start-up which promises to be “a nonpartisan, end-to-end constituent engagement tool for busy Americans to make a real, measurable impact.” Art Chang, Founder of Tipping Point Partners and Chair of the NYC Voter Assistance Advisory Committee will be speaking tonight at the Launch of IssueVoter NYC, and I bet they’ll have canapés. M1-5, 52 Walker Street, 6:30-8:30 p.m., $25

Saturday, July 26

Christ, I hope you live in the Hamptons. Otherwise it must be really hard for you, going into the city, going back, probably taking a helicopter, worrying about your carbon footprint. But I guess you’re going to have to gas up the jet one more time for the 15th annual Art for Life Benefit. The honorary chair for the evening is Star Jones and the event will honor Michael Bloomberg. Proceeds go to support arts education around the city, and hopefully will offer you the opportunity to see Michael Bloomberg enjoying a very small soda. Fairview Farms, 19 Horsemill Lane, 6 p.m. cocktails, 7 p.m. dancing, $1,500

Sunday, July 27

Ah, I see you are not in France this summer. Well, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means you’re not someone God likes enough to give a lot of money to. But champagne will help! Come tonight to the American Summer Riviera With Chandon, anchor your boat in protected waters and listen to a special set from DJ Madrid. And you will dance on your boat, and you will pretend, pretend desperately that you are on the real Riviera. Navy Beach, 16 Navy Road, 12 p.m., open to the public

Monday, July 28

Did you know that George Takei grew up in an internment camp? And that he went to meet Martin Luther King Jr.? Neither did I – seriously, the only thing I knew about him was that he was on Star Trek and Howard Stern sometimes. Today George Takei and his husband Brad are hosting the premiere of To Be Takei, a documentary about his life, and you can ask him questions about things other than Star Trek – or just Star Trek questions if that’s you’re thing. Queen Mary 2 docked at the Brooklyn Cruise Terminal, 72 Bowne Street, 11:30 a.m., invite only 

Tuesday, July 29

It doesn’t really matter which restaurant you go to, but you should take advantage of the fact that it’s Restaurant Week. The best restaurants in town are offering three course meals at ridiculously discounted prices. I’m lying. You should definitely go to 21, and you should get the chicken hash. That’s my personal opinion, but in this instance it is also the 10% correct opinion. Until August 15, open to the public

Wednesday, July 30

Do you remember Clerks? Oh, of course you do. Or Dogma. Or just… do you remember movies from the 90’s? Do you remember the 90’s in general? Cool, you remember Jay and Silent Bob. They will be very unsilently reading from their new book, Blueprints for Destroying Everything, at the Bryant Park Reading room series (as always, look for the burgundy umbrellas.) Bryant Park, 40th Street and Fifth Avenue, 12:30-1:45 p.m, open to the public

To Do This Week: Gas Up the Copter and Pretend You’re French