Which Director Should Bring ‘Lost’ Back to Television?

We've got to get back to the blah blah blah. (ABC)

We’ve got to get back to the blah blah blah. (ABC)

It’s more than a little frightening that the show Lost is slowly just becoming the Island from Lost. Like just when I think I’m done with it, some new fucking plot twist comes out of nowhere and brings me right back into the craziness. Today’s particular plot twist courtesy of Lost executive producer and co-writer Carlton Cuse, who told Digital Spy that a Lost return to TV is “inevitable.”

“Damon (Lindelof) and I told our story in that world and I assume someone will come along, hopefully having been inspired by our story, or our version of the story, and want to tell their own story…Someone is going to come up with a way to tell another Lost story. I think it’s inevitable. I don’t know what it is or how it would work, but I can’t imagine something else won’t be done with the franchise.”

With all the big timey Hollywood die-wreck-tours coming down to ply their craft on the small screen, there is no shortage of names that I want to see bring Lost back.

Quentin Tarantino

The situation with Walt and Michael is tense, not because Walt is taken by the Others but because the N-Word is now thrown about really casually by the survivors of Oceanic Fligh 815. In fact, Lost is now really, uncomfortably racist (“We have to go black!” Jack yells apropos of basically nothing.) The Smoke Monster is also now voiced by Samuel L. Jackson.

Cari Joji Fukanaga (as written by Nic Pizzolato) 

There aren’t any women on The Island anymore. Just hardened men with dark pasts. The flashbacks are now trackbacks, which is an episode long tracking shot that somehow follows a single character for an entire hour. Every trackback gets at least ten Emmy nominations.

Kevin Smith

The Island is New Jersey now. That’s really it.

David Fincher

This would be cool, but unfortunately David Fincher is too busy directing Fox’s (not such a) hit reality show Utopia, which explains that one episode where a severed head in a box arrived at Utopia, and the contestants all wept in the shadows while Nine Inch Nails blared in the background. Now, that sounds like something that didn’t actually happen, but it’s not like there’d be two shows called Utopia on TV.

David Lynch

Lost is now a giant mystery show, where you go into it thinking everyone on the Island is normal but its slowly revealed everyone has their own secrets, and as time goes on more paranormal aspects emerge and things just keep getting weirder and weirder and…wait. Lost was actually a lot like Twin Peaks, wasn’t it?

Peter Jackson

Oh, you didn’t like the original ending to Lost? Well with Peter Jackson at the helm you’ll have 16 different possible endings back to back to dislike, and then he will come back about five years later to document the ten minute story of how Jack got those tattoos (split up in to three, 4-hour long episodes.)

Which Director Should Bring ‘Lost’ Back to Television?