One time I went to a palm reader in Park Slope and paid her five bucks to read my fortune. She grabbed my right hand and said, “I see you are looking for a great love in your life.” Which was A) incorrect and B) an incredible example of a cold read FAIL, since I was wearing my engagement ring on my left hand. You’d think if your job was to literally pick up people’s hands and study them for clues, that would be something you picked up early in the game, but not this lady.
Anyway, she went on to say some more insane things that weren’t just patently false but seemed to go against all the rules of How to Con People 101 (as taught by Sawyer). Like instead of asking me if there was anybody in my life whose name started with the letter “M,” she just went “Who is Mark?” And I was like “I don’t know, who is Mark?” Because I literally have never been close enough to a Mark to spit at one. This lady was so bad at her job, is what I’m saying.
She also told me that the best time of day for me (and my vibes, or whatever) was early in the morning. And that the luckiest day of the week for me was Monday. And I wanted to be like “Lady, you might want to find another gig because those are the two things in the world I hate the most!” Instead, I just gave her my five dollars and thanked her for her time.
But yeah, Mondays suck. Lasagna is awesome. Garfield rules still apply.
Sometimes I think though…what if that fortune teller was right, and if I got up earlier and liked Mondays more, I’d get a windfall of cash somehow? Then I could ditch my husband and go find my true love, Mark, who is out there…somewhere…