Now You Can Use Bitcoin to Anonymously Send Poop to Your Enemies

They'll ship the poop anywhere in the world!

Surprise! (Wikimedia Commons)

Surprise! (Wikimedia Commons)

They say you learn something new every day, and today we learned that you can use the Internet to mail horse poop to people you don’t like.

Motherboard, who are apparently experts in the long-standing history of Internet poop delivery, recently discovered what they claim is one of the industry’s best services: ShitExpress, a site that lets you use bitcoin to anonymously send boxes of horse poop — more animal options will be added later, mind you — to enemies recipients anywhere in the world, with a fun, customized messaged attached.

“Imagine a person you hate very much,” the site says. “Annoying colleague. School teacher. Ex-girlfriend. Filthy boss. Jealous neighbor. Or that successful former classmate. There is always someone.”

“What if you could send them a smelly surprise?” it continues. “Shit, crap, turd, excrement, feces… call it as you wish. But there is nothing that could replace the expression on the recipient’s face after opening the box!” We certainly don’t doubt that, ShitExpress!

Gee, so easy! (ShitExpress.com)

Gee, so easy! (ShitExpress.com)

Past attempts at poop delivery services have been inferior, for a number of reasons, Motherboard’s Jason Koebler explains. Some have had really long, scary legal disclaimers, and others have required customers to use credit cards, which puts a serious hamper on the whole “anonymity” thing. Hey, anonymity’s important when you’re mailing boxes of feces to your enemies.

As for ShitExpress, they require customers to pay in bitcoin, the ultimate ensurer of anonymity. It currently costs 0.05 BTC — or around $16.50 — to order a poop package from ShitExpress. “Shittin… Shipping is totally FREE and we deliver worldwide!” the site boasts.

But ShitExpress is about more than just the express delivery of boxed shit. As the website’s terms and conditions state, its “mission” is “to take advantage of crypto-currencies such as BTC, LTC, DOGE to show their potential.” Oh yes, this is most definitely what’s going to make people start taking bitcoin more seriously.

Then again, we guess it’s better than using bitcoins to bid on selfies.

Now You Can Use Bitcoin to Anonymously Send Poop to Your Enemies