Throw Your Money at These Bizarre Thanksgiving Crowfunding Campaigns

Just say no to Thanksgiving pizza.

Because no Thanksgiving's complete without asking people for money on the Internet. (Wikimedia Commons)

Because no Thanksgiving’s complete without asking people for money on the Internet. (Wikimedia Commons)

Thanksgiving is all about remembering the things in life you’re grateful for, and also about eating an ungodly amount of food. But besides all the turkey, stuffing, and sentimental speeches about how much you love your dear, wonderful family, you know what Thanksgiving is also about? Some really weird Kickstarter and Indiegogo campaigns, apparently.

For your entertainment — and perhaps your confusion and disgust, depending on the project — here are some fascinating Thanksgiving-themed crowdfunding campaigns.

1. Thanksgiving Pizza

omg this would be so good except without the pizza dough (Kickstarter)

omg this would be so good except without the pizza dough (Kickstarter)

“Do you wish Thanksgiving dinner was always available? Have you ever eaten pizza?” this nauseating Kickstarter page asks. We suppose our answer is “yes” to both questions, but that still doesn’t make the concept of Thanksgiving Pizza anything we’d remotely consider consuming.

“For years, we’ve dreamed of creating the perfect Thanksgiving Pizza. Fresh made dough, topped with gravy (no tomato sauce), real turkey, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce,” the page says. “Each time we share this dream, people have trouble containing their enthusiasm.” Really?! Have these people shared this dream with anyone other than their adoring mothers?

Created by an Italian food company in Vermont, the campaign was only ever looking to raise $10 — just enough to purchase the toppings. With 17 days to go, the project has already raised $20, meaning that come Thanksgiving, our world might be home to at least two Thanksgiving Pizzas too many.

2. Thanksgiving Turkey Recipes

Well, this Kickstarter project seems pretty cute. Give this self-described “food inventor” your money, and he’ll do experiments on a bunch of (cooked) turkeys, and send you the recipes.

You could also just not give him money, and still check out the comments section, where he seems to be posting his recipes, anyway. We recommend going for the one that calls for “2 1/2 cups cold duck fat.” Yum!

3. Find the Best Pumpkin Pie Recipe

Not as innocent as it seems. (Kickstarter)

Not as innocent as it seems. (Kickstarter)

This Kickstarter campaign seems innocent enough at first: a friendly-looking Georgia man seeking $60 to test recipes for pumpkin pie, which he’s never made before.

But upon closer inspection, this project seems to be less about pumpkin pie, and more about this man addressing his life-long aversion to trying new things:

I’ll be honest, I have missed out on a lot of opportunities to try different things. I would really like to try a few Pumpkin Pie recipes and see if I can find a good one. I do not have any experience making pie, any ingredients, or even a good pie pan to cook in. That is why I need your help because I would really like to try making a Pumpkin Pie.

The whole thing gets really dark, really quickly, and all of a sudden we’re finding ourselves worried about what’s going to happen to this guy if he doesn’t like the way his pie turns out:

I am really only trying to make pie so the only risks are that if all my pies turn out terrible or burnt I will have bad pie and I might have to take a poll on which recipe is better before I choose the best because I would clearly not be a good judge. Lets hope that doesn’t happen.

SO OMINOUS.

4. Franksgiving: A Short Film

YES. (Kickstarter)

YES. (Kickstarter)

Okay, this one actually sounds amazing. The Kickstarter campaign is raising funds for the production of Franksgiving, film described thusly:

FRANKSGIVING is a short comedy about Frank Ovitchovic, a bowling legend known for his ability to throw strikes and dominate the local Thanksgiving bowling-for-turkeys contest. When a bout of bad luck befalls him, Frank has to get creative to save the day and silence the insatiable appetites of his family and friends. (Run time is approx. 25 minutes.)

We don’t know very much else about the plot, but we’re sold.

Clearly, other people were as enthusiastic about this incredible-sounding piece of cinema as we are, because the campaign successfully completed its $5,000 funding period yesterday.

5. Deep Frying the Greatest Turkey in History

Good luck with this one. (Indiegogo)

Good luck with this one. (Indiegogo)

We really appreciate the simplicity of this Indiegogo campaign, whose entire description reads as follows:

“I just wanna deep fry a ton of turkeys to give out between thanksgiving and Christmas.”

We’re a little concerned that nothing has yet been raised of the lofty $35,000 goal. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the last time anybody wants a deep-fried turkey is in the days following Thanksgiving. But still, this is epic. Throw Your Money at These Bizarre Thanksgiving Crowfunding Campaigns