The Ten Worst TV Episodes of the Year

How I Met Your Mother, Last Forever

How I Met Your Mother was like a warm, loving ten-year relationship. Then in 'Last Forever' your significant other tells you they've been cheating on you the entire time. And then they hit you in the face. Probably with a blue horn or something dumb like that.

The Mysteries of Laura, Pilot

Can someone handle the pressures of being a mother that force feeds her kids cough medicine, a cop that fires their weapon in a crowded park, AND a woman?! Find out, this episode of The Mysteries of Laura.

Family Guy, The Simpsons Guy

The Simpsons and Family Guy had a crossover episode, and congratulations the fact it was happening was the only joke the entire time. Oh, and also there was a really uncomfortable car wash scene for no reason. The most grating part of this whole thing was the tonal clash of the two shows, as my 14-year old self wept at the sight of bloody Homer Simpson literally trying to murder Peter Griffin with a rock.

Peter Pan Live!

I'm still 90% sure that Christopher Walken died midway through this and they used the flying strings to keep him upright.

The worst part of the whole thing was the uncomfortable feeling you were watching someone live out their dream literally as it fell apart around them. Allison Williams was just so earnest, and she sounded like she'd have a good voice if she was standing completely still. But between the creepy obviousness of Allison Williams' femininity, the 500 commercial breaks in a live musical, or the fact that Peter Pan just isn't a great show to begin with, Peter Pan Live felt as genuine as whatever-the-hell that crocodile was supposed to be.

Utopia, Week Two

Week Two of the grand social experiment known as Utopia was when things started to sink in --for me, for the audience, for Fox itself. The show was called "different." Episode two featured screaming, people having sex after knowing each other for four days, and one bat-shit crazy woman far too concerned with her chicken tractor. I guess audiences couldn't handle all the innovation.

Manhattan Love Story, Pilot

Manhattan Love Story thought people would be interested in hearing every thought that goes through a character's head. Related: Manhattan Love Story was the first show cancelled this Fall. In the pilot, we learn Peter is a douche that stares at boobs and laughs at people's dreams. Dana is nice, but she doesn't know how phones work because she's not from New York. At the end of the episode she calls Peter gay for crying. Love is crazy, man.

The Strain, Gone Smooth

Will you remember where you were when that one dude's dick fell off on TV?

The Newsroom, Oh, Shenandoah

Let me hand this one over to my editor, Drew Grant: "I wish there was a German word for how tonight’s episode of The Newsroom made me feel; some combination of horror and repulsion bolstered by an angry smear of righteous satisfaction. I’m glad that Aaron Sorkin has fucked up this cosmically."

Mulaney, Pilot

I still feel bad. I really do. But the first half hour of Mulaney was perhaps the most uncomfortable half hour of the year. The only explanation possible is that the cast member had a bet for who could look the most out of place on television. Spoilers: It's a tie between Martin Short and John Mulaney. Which makes no sense, because both are comedy veterans. If it looks like Seinfeld, and it walks like Seinfeld, it does NOT always mean it is Seinfeld.

True Blood, Thank You

Remember Eric Northman? The only character anyone liked by the end of this whole thing? Yeah he's only in the episode for about seven minutes. The rest is Bill dying because he misses his colonial family, but also to save Sookie from being magical. Except Sookie just stabs him, she's still magical. But none of that matters because the only thing people cared about was who would Sookie end up with: Bill, Eric, or Alcide? So who was it? Well, we don't know. We don't see his face. Why? Because fuck us that why.

Observer

Slideshow | List

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I could have just called this list “Every Pilot During Fall Pilot Season” because whoa, what a terrible Fall pilot season. But that wouldn’t be fair to the other terrible hours and half-hours of television we all watched prior to the leaves turning brown.

A single, awful episode of a TV show is a special thing. It can leave you unsatisfied, angry, disappointed, sad, and undoubtedly thinking that you will never get that time of your life back. And that’s not fair. At the very least, let’s recognize the top of the bottom.

Peruse that slideshow to see the most rightfully-cancelled pilots, the most egregious childhood-ruining crossovers, the most crushing finales, and everything in between.

tvDownload’s 2014 Rewind: The Ten Worst TV Episodes of the Year

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