Welcome friends and family to the first, but hopefully not the last, television preview I write with the words “Dissecting,” “Colossal,” and “Orgy” in the title.
So yesterday The Hollywood Reporter broke the news that the True Detective crew not only shot a ginormous orgy scene but it had cast two adult film stars to take part, and media and society as a whole lost their collective heads because we’re a libido driven culture and yesterday was a slow day. Let’s look at the facts, anyway, shall we? Amia Miley and Peta Jensen, two well-know porn actresses, were cast in a “deliriously vast, Eyes Wide Shut-caliber orgy sequence involving dozens of naked bodies.”
First things first, I’m a fan of hyperbole as much as the next orgy fan but what the hell does “deliriously vast” even mean? Can you imagine someone walking into an orgy and describing it as deliriously vast? “By God, this is the most deliriously vast orgy I’ve ever been a part of.” That has to be a huge orgy. That is much larger than a dozen bodies. A “deliriously vast” orgy stretches further than the eye can see, from that velvet-sheeted bed onward into eternity. The sheer size, the indescribable mass of this pile of naked bodies is giving me the spins. That is a “deliriously vast” orgy.
Orrrrr maybe I’m thinking too much about that. No judgement. I know there’s not a lot of ways to say “real, real big.”
The more important piece of news, for some, is the casting of the adult film stars. I would like to be the first to say who the hell cares? Yes, I wouldn’t let a small child read these women’s IMDB page, but then again why would a child even be interested in IMDB and who even knew porn was on IMDB anyway? But people seem to be focusing on the porn too much, and not this: “a source says the production didn’t hire Miley and Jensen for their porn experience. The women signed up with the extras casting service the show is using and were employed along with dozens of other men and women willing to strip down for the Emmy-winning drama.”
So these two women got the parts through the same extra casting service as dozens of other Hollywood hopefuls, but they are the only one’s highlighted? I feel like people like to picture the True Detective casting crew watching one of Ms. Miley or Ms. Jensen’s past videos and remarking “10/10 bewbs, would hire.” I feel like it’s much more likely that they found them, saw they looked the part, asked if they were comfortable with nudity and they responded “yeah, sure.” Just like they did with dozens of other extras, who are apparently far less news-worthy because the word dong doesn’t appear on their résumé.
Oh, also, this: “The adult actresses apparently are among the few people who actually don’t get totally naked.”
Everyone’s favorite sexposition filled fantasy Game of Thrones hires porn actors and actresses all the time for similar reasons. Shea, a fan favorite until she was [SPOIL—oh fuck it you should’ve seen it already] choked to death by Tyrion last year, was played by Sibel Kekilli, an actress that dabbled in porn before winning the German equivalent of a Best Actress Oscar twice. Are Ms. Miley or Ms. Jensen ever going to win an Oscar, even a German one? Puhrobably not. But maybe!
So what else, what else? “The sequence was shot over the past few days in a Pasadena mansion.” According to a quick Google Earth search, 1288 S. Oakland Avenue in Pasadena has a courtyard that sort of looks like a penis if you squint hard enough, so my money is on that one.
What can we expect from a Nic Pizzolatto written, True Detective style California orgy? Well, I think it’s safe to say that at one point a man will call a woman “disgusting” and blame the whole thing on her. Tracking shots? Colin Farrell voice-over? Accidental McConaughey cameo because nobody told him it was a TV shoot? A Rust Cohle does sound like something that would occur during group sex.
Only time will tell, and as we all know time is a flat orgy, or something like that.
