Spring & Summer Programming Quiz: Real TV or Something I Made Up?

1. Bullseye (Fox) Kellan Lutz hosts this new Fear Factor-esque competition series featuring human darts.
Vinnie: Real. Now that Sex Box was cancelled there's a need for a reality series that sounds like it was created in the same Black Mirror universe with the bikes and the dopples.
2. Mr. Robot  (USA): New computer hacker drama stars Christian Slater and Rami Malek.
Vinnie: I know this is real because I attended the USA Channel Upfront breakfast, where I spent an hour drinking coffee and thinking "holy shit Sawyer from Lost looks oooold now."  Mr. Robot looks OKAY.
3. Zoo (Sci-fi): James Wolk, Kristen Connolly, and Billy Burke star in a new drama series based on James Patterson's novel about a global pandemic that causes animals to launch violent, coordinated attacks against humans.
Vinnie: I'm pretty sure James Patterson started picking random words out of a hat decades ago when starting a new novel, so this sounds legit!
 4. Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (Syfy) Joining the cast for this third installment are David Hasselhoff, Bo Derek, Mark Cuban, Ann Coulter, and Jerry Springer.
Vinnie: Can't be real. "Oh Hell No" contains zero shark puns. Maybe if you tried "Sharknado 3: The Shit Hits the Fin" you would have got me.
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5. Murder She Baked: A Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder Mystery (HMM) Self-explanatory, I guess?
Vinnie: This can't be real, because oftentimes in life you don't get what you want, and I want this so bad.
6. Swab Stories (VH1 Reality) The question “Who's Your Daddy” takes on a whole new meaning with VH1's new reality series.
Vinnie: The word Swab in this context is so gross. So gross. Like, threw up a little gross. And I see it's on VH1. So it all fits. I'm going to say real.
7.Madagascar: Land of the Lemurs (Nat Geo Wild) Madagascar is a bizarre landscape of giant baobab groves and dense tropical jungles but it's also home to over 100 species of weird and wonderful lemurs.
Vinnie: THERE CAN NOT BE OVER 100 TYPES OF LEMURS. NO WAY, DREW. THAT'S SO MANY. With that said, this show is probably real and I'll probably watch it.
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8. 500 Questions Game Show (ABC) New "genius game show" (featuring very difficult questions) airs across nine consecutive nights.
Vinnie: I haven't done math without a phone in over 10 years but is 500 divided by nine an even number? If the answer is yes, then this show is real. That is my reasoning. That is all I got.
9. The Prancing Elites Project (Oxygen) The new docu-series that follows an African American, gay and gender non-conforming dance team that knows they’re bound to ruffle a few tail feathers.
Vinnie: This can't be real or else I would have been asked to be on it.
10.Skin Wars (GSN)  Talented body painters from around the country compete for cash, paint and fame.
Vinnie: Real? Sounds real? Let's say this is happening. And if it is, I hope they compete for cash, paint, OR fame. Like two people win cash and fame and one dude just gets paint and is like "thanks?"
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Conclusion:
All these are real. All of them. Since Vinnie was savvy enough to call bullshit only on 3/10 programs, he gets a score of 70, or, if we were still in school, a C-. CONGRATS ON PASSSING!

Email to Vinnie:

It’s becoming impossible to keep up with the plethora of original content these days. But some of the new shows (according to MetaCritic.com, the PREMIERE SOURCE of TELEVISION NEWS based on the GOOGLE SEARCH “new spring summer shows/tv movies.”) So I’ve decided to give you 10 shows, some of which are “real” and some of which “I’ve hallucinated based on this terrible sinus infection that you are now witnessing firsthand because I finally showed up to the office to ‘prove’ I’m sick.” You are NOT ALLOWED to Google. Nothing. Remember: I sit right next to you. Let’s see how you do…

Go through the slideshows to see Vinnie’s responses: the last slide will tally how many he got correct.

3-2-1 FIGHT!

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