Ride on Over to the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic

The Veuve Clicquot Gold Cup for the British Open Polo Championship. (Photo: Getty Images)

The Veuve Clicquot Gold Cup for the British Open Polo Championship. (Photo: Getty Images)

SATURDAY May 30

How do you embrace the fact that you’re the kind of person who goes to the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic? Just saying that you’re going kind of makes you sound like you are a wealthy villain in an ’80s movie. Or a nice person in an ’80s movie? I think Julia Roberts’ character almost went off with a polo player in Pretty Woman, so you’re going to want to cling to that factoid. You can also remind yourself that in most places in the world polo is really a farm sport played by people of all classes, and not just English aristocrats. You can also remind yourself that the players wear blue jeans, and there’s nothing snobby about blue jeans. And you stomp divots! Stomping divots is for the people. Give up, buddy. You’re not fooling anyone. You look like you stepped out of a Ralph Lauren advertisement. Just enjoy the bottle of Veuve Cliquot rosé that comes with the Rose Garden ticket, and wear a nice hat, this is your life. It’s a fine life. Liberty State Park, Jersey City, 11 a.m.-5 p.m., $500

SUNDAY May 31

After you’ve spent the day drinking Veuve Cliquot maybe you are thinking, “Why did I drink champagne, I hate champagne.” Well that is super weird! That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard, probably. I love champagne! But I guess you can get some pinot at the EAT (RED) DRINK (RED) SAVE LIVES dinner. The culinary side of Bono’s charity will be serving four-course dinner by chefs David Burke and Josh Capon. You can expect some appropriately red items, like grilled angry (RED) lobster tails and grilled zucchini carpaccio with (RED) marinated heirloom tomatoes and also cheesecake lollipops, which aren’t going to be red, but are going to be delicious. All of the items will be paired with wines from Francis Ford Coppola’s vineyard. And if you are saying, “I would like that, but I hate food” (maybe it seems unlikely you’d say this but you hate champagne, I don’t know what people like you say) then you’ll be happy to know that The Roots will be performing and Brendan Fallis will be DJing. There is basically nothing here not to like, and it’s a great chance to get to … wait for it … paint the town red. Pier 26, Hudson River Park, 6-10 p.m., $295

Ride on Over to the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic