Warning: The following video for Rihanna’s summer jam “Bitch Better Have My Money” features graphic nudity, graphic violence and graphic OH MY GOD IT’S MADS MIKKELSEN FROM HANNIBAL.
In her new video, about hating your accountant so much you wish them physical dismemberment (which, who doesn’t relate to that??*), Rihanna takes the concept of Spring Breakers and melds it with a nightmare you had after your freshman year roommate introduced you to Hentai. (If you don’t know what that is, please do not Google it.)
Besides a random Eric Roberts cameo that I assume was a cashed-in favor for some drug deal out in the desert long ago, the new video floats the concept that Hannibal Lecter is Rihanna’s bitch, which is literally the coolest thing in the entire world.
FAN THEORY: Rihanna is directly responding to Jay-Z’s line in Kanye’s “Murder to Excellence”:
I dress in Dries and other boutique stores in Paris
In sheepskin coats, I silence the lamb
Do you know who I am Clarice?
No cheap cologne whenever I “shh-shh”
Other fan theory: Rihanna actually wanted Lars Mikkelsen because she’s a HUGE fan of The Killing (OG not adaptation, d’uh), but he was too busy being on House of Cards and Sherlock and not looking like garbage at the airport.
*Apologies to my accountant, Thad.**
**Tad is what I named my TurboTax.com software, to make it more relatable.