‘Ray Donovan’ Redux: Finale Recap 2×12 – The Captain

Remember that talking dolphin from episode 2x1? Well, now that dolphin is a horse

Ray Donovan: The finale is here!

Ray Donovan: The finale is here!

This is it. The finale. You’ve been waiting to see who shoots whom and if Bunchy is a pedophile. Well, here we go.

Ray is just getting out of jail. That was pretty easy considering he assaulted a senior citizen in front of five cops but hey, it’s Ray. Lena’s there to meet him. Terry got locked up for armed robbery and they’re holding him on $50k bail. Lena tried to get him out but Terry refused the money. It’s no surprise that Terry is being difficult.

Since Shorty blew himself up Mickey and Daryll must bust the stolen safe from the marijuana dispensary out in a field with a buzz saw and a sledgehammer. It’s open! Where’s the money? There’s only twenty grand. The security guard told Keith the truth when he said the money had been picked up already. What to do next? Let’s go by Alan and Claudette’s house in Palm Springs to say hi. Daryll doesn’t like the idea but Mickey insists he owes Alan an apology for starting a fight at that Hollywood party. Great, Mickey wants to apologize. He’s like a new man.

Ray tries to bail out Terry himself by visiting him in jail. Won’t happen. Terry feels that he did something wrong and deserves to be punished. So Terry refuses to take the bail or accept Ray’s help but he will run a money laundering operation and rob a medical marijuana dispensary for some moving-to-Ireland money so that his married-with-children girlfriend can ditch her family to leave the country with him.

Still, Ray insists that Terry take the bail money because Mickey was to blame for getting him all mixed up in the robbery and Ray adds, “You’re a good man.” Terry indignantly responds with, “What the fuck do you know about being a good man, Raymond.” Terry is about as likable as the priest Ray murdered.

Crap, Cookie has already seen the video of the Rekon/Marvin shooting, the one that shows Bridget witnessed the whole thing. Ray gets Cookie on the phone and finds out that there are other copies of the video. But that kid promised there weren’t any copies. Damn you, iCloud! Haven’t you done enough damage? This is big problem. Ray has to talk to Cookie face to face now, but Cookie is busy having his son’s birthday party.

Maybe Boston will be safer? When Bridget catches Abby looking at flights online, she tells her mom that she isn’t afraid of Cookie. Maybe she should be. He did kill two people right in front of her and there’s iPhone video footage of the whole thing. Somebody’s at the door.

“Mom your boyfriend is here,” says Conor. Jim wants to help but the only help Abby wants is the kind where the LAPD sets up Cookie Brown. If Jim doesn’t have the balls to do that Abby has no use for him. Jim tells Abby that he won’t break the law, but he still wants to protect her, but neither he nor Abby know how. Gee, how could a police detective protect someone from getting murdered? The police are supposed to serve and something else. Jim says they’ll figure it out but Abby yells, “That’s not good enough.” She’s a keeper, Jim.

For a woman who keeps yelling “Sully killed my dah-tah,” Catherine’s mom seems a bit shocked that Sully killed her daughter. Kate breaks the news to her that Catherine is dead before it’s reported in the paper. Catherine’s mom then yells about Sully and kicks out Kate.

So Kate’s dead. It’s the ‘ol open the door while sorting the mail, look up, and there’s the killer with a silencer on his gun. Avi pulls the trigger and loose end, tied up. Ray’s not going to jail. We all know that Ray wasn’t going to go to jail but who could have known it would happen in the most predictable way? It was so predictable that it was unpredictable. That is true genius.

Happy B-day, Cookie Jr. Ray stops by the party to talk to Cookie about the video. On his way in Ray gets patted down by Cookies guards. They’re disappointed in Ray for attempting to bring his gun into a child’s party. Cookie sits down with Ray to talk about the video and the million dollars Cookie gave him to get it. Ray didn’t bring the money because he wanted to work things out with Cookie first. Now that Cookie has seen the video he wants to know what Bridget told the cops. Ray tells him she said nothing.

Daryll and Mickey knock on Alan’s door so Mickey can say sorry. It was never Mickey’s plan to apologize. Instead, he demands Alan give him $500k. Some time ago Alan offered Mickey that money to go away and now Mickey wants it. Daryll is shocked that Mick has lied to him yet again. The whole thing ends up with Mickey, Daryll and Alan fighting and Alan smashing through a sliding glass door and into the pool. Claudette comes home to see the Alan floating in the pool. She tells Mickey and Daryll to get out and says she doesn’t want to see Mickey ever again. The last time Claudette saw Mickey she didn’t seem like she wanted to see him again but since it’s all about closure in the season finale let’s hear a real goodbye.

What’s next for Mickey and Daryll? Mickey tells Daryll that the $20k is all Daryll’s to do whatever he wants with it. Keith calls to try to get his cut of the heist money even though he called the cops to try to get Mickey locked up for a pay off by Ray. Mickey tells him he’s not getting anything. The sounds of the racetrack were in the background so Mickey and Daryll are heading to the track.

Ashley and Steve Knight show up at Ray’s office. Ashley looks beat up. Steve tells Ray that the stalker Bob Lepecka is to blame. He was lurking around the house again and got violent. It’s pretty clear that’s not what happened. Right when Ray is about to press Ashley on the real details, Lena comes in and tells Ray that she needs to talk to him.

“You better sit down for this.” Ray won’t sit down. Fine. Kate’s dead. Now Ray wants to sit down. He’s devastated. He loved this woman so much from the few times they had sex and the one time he almost choked her to death that he was planning to just let Kate get him locked up in jail. It must’ve been Cochran. Ray gives the hard drive with the Cochran sex video to Lena and tells her send it to Marty at Stalkerazzi.

You sonuva…Ray walks quite freely into Cochran’s FBI office and slams Cochran’s head on the desk. The FBI needs to beef up security at the LA office. Cochran tells Ray he had nothing to do with it. Must have been Ezra. Well, that sex video is already on its way out. Good luck getting that Senate confirmation.

Give Jim one more chance. Abby stops at Jim’s because he asked her to come over. Abby is already pissy about it, saying, “Why did I have to come here?” New plan, according to Jim. The whole family (not Ray, duh) can come stay at Jim’s. Jim made up the spare room with two twins beds for Bridget and Conor to sleep in. “Cookie knows where you live but he doesn’t know where I live.” Sweet deal. Abby can live in fear of Cookie Brown in a much smaller house. Abby is touched by the gesture and it looks like this couple is back on. Jim, you just got yourself a family.

Ray confronts Ezra about having Kate murdered. He doesn’t deny it. You were warned, Ezra. Ray makes a call. Hey, 911 operator. There’s a body buried in the Ruth Goldman Ovarian Cancer Center. That’s all that needs to happen to have the foundation of a hospital ripped open, right?

Good news, Bunchy. You’re not a pedophile! At his support group meeting Bunchy finds out that just because he’s uncomfortable around children doesn’t mean he’s going to abuse them. Important lesson to learn. Bunchy tries to get back together with Patty but once you tell a lady you’re dating that you really don’t want to molest her kid but things happen, well, that’s a tough statement to take back. The couple known in my head as Buntty is no more and a go nowhere storyline is tied up.

Mickey and Daryll find Keith at the racetrack and beat the crap out of him. Hold on, Keith’s got a tip on horse. Papa’s Mustache can’t lose. Mickey lets up on Keith to go take a look at the horse. Remember that talking dolphin from episode 2×1? Well, now that dolphin is a horse and the talking horse is saying that Mickey’s the captain. Oh, guess what the horse’s name is…come on, guess. You got it, The Captain. Forget Papa’s Mustache, Mickey’s betting the $20k that’s supposed to be Daryll’s on The Captain. Me too! Keith goes all in on The Captain when he hears Mickey making the bet at the window next him.

Of course The Captain wins and they all make a bunch of money. It was real close though so if you thought the show might do something interesting you were in suspense for a minute.

Avi calls Ray, “Boss we need to talk.” He didn’t kill her for any money. No, Avi killed Kate because he loves Ray. Ray doesn’t want to hear it.

The party’s over but Cookie’s guards are still eating cake. Ray stops by to drop of that $1 million that never got used. A guard pats Ray down with one hand while he while he holds a slice of birthday cake in the other. No gun on Ray. Go on in to Cookie’s office and hand over the cash.

Ray and Cookie are alone in Cookie’s office. There’s a gun sitting on the desk Cookie sits behind. It does seem weird that Cookie has all that security but nobody in the room while Ray’s there. Cookie must trust Ray a lot. This could be the fresh start that these two needed. Ray starts pulling money out of the duffel bag and stacking it upon Cookie’s desk. Ray asks how can he be sure Cookie won’t hurt Bridget. Cookie is honest. Ray can’t know for sure that nothing is going to happen to Bridget. That’s when Ray shoots Cookie with the gun hidden in the duffel bag. Dumb guards were too busy eating cake to look in the bag. Why did they even let Ray in the room with the bag? Why didn’t Ray shoot Cookie forever ago?

Look who decided to take that bail money after all. Terry is back in the gym. Mickey stops in to give Terry some of the million bucks they won on The Captain. Terry expects a bigger cut because he’s the one that’s going to end up in prison. OK. Mickey gives him more money. Terry takes the money and kicks Mickey out.

Ray shows up at Ashley’s after she calls him in a panic. Lepecka is dead. Steve Knight pushed him off the balcony on to the rocks below. Steve had been hitting Ashley because he needs to punch women. That’s what makes him a good villain. The stalker with a heart of gold, Bob Lepecka, stepped in only to be killed by Steve. Ashley finally tells the truth that Steve is hitting her and Lepecka was just trying to help out. The violent woman-beating murderer self-help guru who is currently paying Ray $100k a month then follows Ray to the garage and gets into the trunk of a car on Ray’s orders. Steve is going to stay in there while Ashley calls the cops. We have another unremarkable if not forced ending to another who gives a shit story line.

Abby sees on the news that Cookie is dead!

Cue the blues music for the season-closing montage that shows everyone’s story line conclusions.

Cochran’s assistant is at her desk, watching the Volcheck/Cochran sex tape on Stalkerazzi.com. That’s the end of his career.

Avi and Lena hug in Ray’s office. Everything is in boxes. Ray’s fixer office is closed and Avi and Lena are out of a job.

Ashley talks to the cops while Steve Knight is taken away in handcuffs.

Jim stands in the doorway of the room he made up for Bridget and Conor which they will never sleep in. He shuts the light. Sorry, Jim. Abby doesn’t need you anymore but keep on picking up married women at the gun range. Don’t give up on love.

Terry throws away all his Ireland videos and then joins Bunchy and Pork Pie on the couch to watch some TV in the gym. Poor Pork Pie got in about four lines this whole season and I’m counting a head nod with an uh-huh.

Mickey looks at Shorty’s charred Miami Dolphins baseball cap. Then he walks out of that crap apartment building for the last time with a suitcase and a duffel bag. Mickey is off on another adventure.

Ray walks into his house. Now that his girlfriend is dead and Cookie is dead it’s time to work on his marriage. What Ray doesn’t know is that when he shot a bullet into Cookie’s skull, cupid shot an arrow through Abby’s heart. The Donovan’s are going to be just fine!

‘Ray Donovan’ Redux: Finale Recap 2×12 – The Captain