Thanks to the AP’s up-to-the-minute Twitter feed, we now know that tomorrow is International Bacon Day. It is also, as some like to call it here in the United States, National Cheese Pizza Day, or, for the sticklers among us, Labor Day Weekend. If you don’t appreciate labor or bacon or cheese pizza, you can always wait for Sunday, which is National Coffee Ice Cream Day, or if you don’t like coffee ice cream but can’t get enough of coffee, wait a few more weeks and it’ll bring you up to International Coffee Day. September also gives us National Salami Day, National Peanut Day and National Linguine Day. What about dumplings, you might be asking? Well, you’re in luck: September 17 is National Apple Dumpling Day, whatever those are. For those who don’t like apple dumplings, October brings us World Egg Day as well as World Tripe Day. Here in the States, we’ve got Vodka Day, Bologna Day, Oatmeal Day and Candy and Caramel Apple Day. Too sweet for you? Try National Vinegar Day on November 1. You can also experience days related to scrapple, nachos, deviled eggs, chicken and pickles. Pickled chicken? No way. Sangria? Yes, on December 20, which is National Sangria Day. January, February and March will bring you Cheese Day, Pizza Day (again?!) and Crabmeat Day. April has 30 days, at least 12 of which are devoted to such delicacies as peanut butter and jelly, caramel, beer, fondue, grilled cheese sandwiches, cheeseballs, garlic, pigs in a blanket, zucchini bread, pretzels, prime rib and shrimp scampi. May 17 brings us National Walnut Day. June has a day devoted to doughnuts. July 4: Thought that was our national day of independence? Think again. It’s National Ceasar Salad Day as well as National Spareribs Day and National Barbecue Day. (Fitting.) Don’t like barbecue but enjoy fires? There’s always National S’more Day on August 10. Which brings us back to September and International Bacon Day.
Don’t like days? Well, you can always just vanish into nothingness.