We can all agree that Thanksgiving is the best holiday, right? There’s the turkey:
Oh, and don’t forget the pie. Everybody loves the pie!
There’s the alcohol…
Even if it does lead to uncomfortable debates with the family.
And the entire holiday has some unfortunate consequences.
You could spend the morning watching the parade… the terrifying scar-you-for-life parade.
Or if you prefered not to terrorize the kids first thing in the morning, you could watch President Obama pardon a turkey and crack the lamest/best “joke” of the year.
All you have to do to enjoy all that (plus football!) is put up with your family for a few hours.
Yes, Thanksgiving is pretty much the best. Which is why you should just call it quits after Thursday. Stay home. You did your part. You were (mostly) civil with your extended family, you owe it to yourself to not have to look at another human being for three days. The world will try to get you out of the house. Worse yet, they’ll try to force you out of your food coma as early as 4 a.m. to go buy stuff.
As the internet will gladly point out, this is a terrible idea.
It brings out the absolute worst in people.
And I mean The Worst.
Seriously, you don’t want anything to do with people who act like this.
Fighting a little kid? For a vegetable steamer? What’s wrong with you?
All Friday morning it feels like we’re living in a dystopian horror movie.
That guy wasn’t the only person to make the connection either.
Of course, a middling horror movie from a couple years ago isn’t the only thing Black Friday Carnage reminded folks of.
And even if you do get the flatscreen of your dreams, is it worth it? When you risk ending up looking (and talking) like this?
And if it’s that dangerous to be a customer, can you imagine how terrifying it is for the staff?
That can’t be how they do it in other countries.
And it all seems so counterproductive. Espacially the day after the greatest holiday of the year.
So just stay home. Or hole up in a cave until it’s all over. Do literally anything else.
Remember, it’s just another day.
You can find other ways to celebrate it.
And there are way better deals out there that don’t carry a risk of being trampled.
So why go through all that? Your week peaked at your third helping of sweet potato pie. Be like this person instead. Only make that all weekend long.