‘Real Housewives of Potomac’ Episode 9 Recap: Fifty Sense

The great butt grab debate of 2016.

The great butt grab debate of 2016. Bravo TV

Wow. There’s a lot to unpack this week. We haven’t even touched our suitcases since the trip to Delaware. And unlike the New York Housewives, these ladies don’t have permanent help to do the unpacking for them. There are complicated conversations about racial identity that I’m in no position to speak on as a white person, so I’m going to do my best to deal with them with the utmost sensitivity.

Things aren’t great with Robyn and Juan. Things aren’t great with Andrew and Katie. I think we’ve discovered that Potomac’s true brand as a franchise is having a relationship that’s based on lies, except for Karen and Black Bill Gates. Jury’s still out on Ashley and the pants-dropper. Someone’s hiding something there.

We learn that Karen has her very own Sasha Fierce named “Shaka,” who was out in full force at the event last week in the face of Ashley. I AM SHAKA FIERCE.

Ashley offers to buy her bankrupt mom a house. Aww. Karen’s daughter Rayvin is leaving for college. Aww. Gizelle tells her daughters she doesn’t need internet dating because she’s too hot. Aww. Charisse got $80,000 from her ex to throw herself a 50th birthday party. Aww!

Ashley and Karen’s drama continues at Charrisse’s birthday party but Karen keeps on throwing etiquette in Ashley’s face instead of letting Shaka come out! I really want to meet Shaka, she seems FUN. But Karen is DONE. I don’t even remember what the basis of this drama is? Oh yeah, that Charrisse said Ashley was a bad influence on That’s So Rayvin.

Brynee the non-housewife muggle throws down a rap as a gift to Charrisse. I fully support it. This season really needs an ill-advised music career to amp it up. Brynee can stay.

Okay now let’s cut into the crabmeat of this episode, which starts with Katie remarking in her testimonial that Robyn and Gizelle are way too “obsessed with race” and try to push her into identifying as black.

Then at the party, things are set off when Ashley’s husband Michael GRABS ANDREW’S BUTT. Yes, THAT Andrew. The butt squeeze heard ’round the world! The butt squeeze that launched a thousand ships! What a catalyst.

Gizelle and Robyn confront Ashley and Katie about this weirdness, and things escalate from there. Ashley seems to think Michael’s behavior was normal which seems normal for Ashley. Robyn then asks them, “Is that a white guy thing?” As a white person, I feel like this is fine to suggest? White bros do strange things generally. This comment didn’t seem off-base to me.

However Katie is quick to defend white people, because #notallwhitepeople are butt grabbers! I want to personally thank Katie for taking down such harmful white stereotypes. Again, I’m in no position to discuss these race issues, so I apologize if I’m wrong here, but I do not find it offensive to suggest that white people like to grab each other’s butts. Seems a little like a cry of “reverse racism” to get so upset about this. And “reverse racism” isn’t a thing. So this shouldn’t be a thing.

Then Katie takes things way too far, but telling Robyn that she’s probably biracial because she’s light-skinned? What just happened? She then tells Gizelle and Robyn that they don’t even know who their ancestors are and leaves. This is terribly offensive and further pushes my extreme concern for Katie. Who hurt you, Katie? What’s going on? White people don’t need a defender. We really, really, REALLY don’t.

Meanwhile Ashley’s just like, “My husband likes butts, sorry I’m not sorry.” And her husband’s like, “Hey, I don’t care if your friends judge me for being white!” Wow, so brave. What a hero.

Brynee and Andrew remark that Gizelle and Robyn are just way too obsessed with race. Brynee, you are now a muggle again. Go home, Andrew. And home he does go, with angry Katie in tow.

So there you have it. I don’t really know what to make of this conversation. I hope the show addresses the women’s relationships with their race more because I find it very interesting, and I hope Katie gets some sense into her. And, as always, I hope there will be butt-grabbing.

‘Real Housewives of Potomac’ Episode 9 Recap: Fifty Sense