‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ Recap 12×09: Exclude Me From This Narrative

One hand must always be on an iPhone.

One hand must always be on an iPhone. E!

Weird that E! decided to air last night’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians as a short Snapchat story, but I guess that’s the future of television.

Yes there was an episode of Keeping Up last night, but I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, which includes Kim starring in Fergie’s underwhelming “MILF” (it stands for “Mother I’d Like To Follow,” be crass!) and a fresh takedown of Piers Morgan. Other highlights include Kris Jenner’s clear jealousy that she was not chosen to be one of the creepy naked wax figures lying in bed with Bill Cosby for Kanye’s “Famous” music video. You’ll get there, mama!

But obviously there’s only one thing to talk about here this week. The tape. Remember on that episode of Friends when Ross and Rachel slept together? And they argued about who came on to who? But then Ross was like, “I have it on videotape!” Ross Geller is a fuckboy. But this incident was basically the same thing.

If you haven’t been keeping up, which like, examine your life choices if so, Kanye came out with a song called “Famous” that has the line, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex. Why? / I made that bitch famous.” Obviously, it refers to the “Imma let you finish” incident of 2009 and how that brought Swift into the cultural conversation for a lot of people.

When the song was released, Taylor came out as upset and offended by the suggestion that a man was taking credit for her hard work. Fair enough. She then made it the emphasis of her acceptance speech at the Grammy awards. Awesome, we heard you.

But, then Kanye comes forward and says that Taylor gave approval for the song! There’s more back and forth about the details of who said what blah blah blah but LUCKILY, our queen and savior Kim Kardashian released video footage of Taylor’s conversation with Kanye West about the lyric. And Sarah wept, for there were no more pop culture worlds to conquer.

The details are fuzzy, but on the call Taylor is extremely supportive, tells Kanye he can use whatever lyric he thinks makes sense creatively, super appreciative of him calling, and at least made aware of the specific line “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex.”

Taylor posted a response on Twitter very quickly saying it was the “I made that bitch famous,” line that made her go from 100% supportive to staunchly against the song. I personally think the “might still have sex,” line is much more offensive, but it’s her life I suppose. Also I’d like to point out that she did this by posting a screenshot of her iPhone notes app. Someone didn’t go to the Kim K school of social media.

Lastly, I’d like to point out that Taylor Swift has yet to post any kind of response to any of the police brutality or mass killings that have happened over the last week, but tweeted about this so fast. So that’s just something to think about.

And in case you were wondering how the other side fare on that matter, Kim Kardashian wrote this.

I’m going to highly recommend you all search #KimExposedTaylorParty on Twitter, because it is a gold mine of treasures. Selena Gomez and Chloe Grace Moretz try to join the party, saying that people just need to focus on using their voices to talk about things that matter! But Selena Gomez has also stayed silent about any of the recent tragedies going on, while Kim tweets about almost every one.

This incident is going to be something I tell my grandchildren about. Much like how my parents lived through a man walking on the moon, I lived through my heart walking on the moon thanks to a Kim Kardashian Snapchat video.

There will be more episodes of the Kardashians but it’s hard to imagine how they can top something that is essentially our generation’s Watergate. Kim Kardashian is Deep Throat.

‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ Recap 12×09: Exclude Me From This Narrative