Last week saw the release of something that had not graced our eyeballs since May 2007: new Gilmore Girls footage. America took a breather from an exhausting political season to remember what potent, 99.1% chemically pure joy felt like. We rubbed it over our gums and twitched in basements, playing that trailer over and over again. After months of teases and behind-the-scene photos, we now known that 11:59:59 PM November 24th will see the return of arguably the greatest TV show of all time. (In the literal sense that I will belligerently argue you.)
A big point of interest has been who, a decade later, Rory and Lorelai have ended up with — and who they might be with at the end of those four 90-minute long episodes. This is where my joy starts to turn scabby and jittery, as we already know that all of Rory Gilmore’s former boyfriends (Dean, Jess, and, ugh, Logan) will be returning in some capacity. While we can pray for three quick run-ins at Doose’s Market, our hopes that the slate of love interests will be wiped clean are fading fast.
Why do I hope for this, you ask? Because looking back, almost every last boyfriend/love interest/B-plot male suitor featured on our beloved Gilmore Girls was, simply put, a fuckboi.
* * *
If you’re not sure what constitutes a fuckboi, don’t worry as Urban dictionary (that wonderful resource curated by the sexually premature 12-year-olds of America) has already agreed on a rough set of definitions for the term. A fuckboi is: “A player.” “A guy who will lie to a girl to make them hook up with them or send pics.” “They think they are the s#%!t when they aren’t.” “A total ass.” “A guy that will make a girl cry and laugh, and a guy who lies when they said I love you.” What ‘fuckboi’ basically approximates to, in 2016, an unsavory gentleman.
And, people: Stars Hollow is a town littered with fuckbois.