Previously on “A Quick Word From”…
I am one of the thousands of faceless fans in the video game franchise Madden, and I am outraged that during this week’s simulated 49ers/Rams game, not a single person stood for the National Anthem. This was because the National Anthem did not happen.
Um, not in my virtual America you don’t.
That’s right. When the game started with a coin toss and kickoff, 68,499 other fans and I began immediately screaming and cheering. While the players likely thought we were rooting for them, we were instead furiously demanding that the players, coaches, and entire NFL realize that they completely forgot to play the National Anthem.
It isn’t brave to skip the National Anthem before each Madden game. It’s just disrespectful.
Not only am I shocked and saddened by this behavior in this week’s game, I have been shocked and saddened by every single Madden game going back to 1988. It would be one thing to not play the National Anthem one time, but in millions and millions of games? For years, I have wanted to cry out, but I am programmed to only clap in unison.
My face may be blurry, but let me assure you: today I have a frown.
The National Anthem is a sign of pride in our country. I exist solely in the crowd of a football video game, but I imagine this country deserves that honor. Think of all the countless video game deaths that have re-spawned so that you have the freedom to potentially play the National Anthem before each Madden match.
Why are you skipping the National Anthem anyway, Madden? What change are you trying to enact? I don’t understand it. I only understand first downs, touchdowns, and so many fake field goals. WOOOO!!!!
It is not just me that feels this way. The entire Madden crowd has a hive mind. We cheer together, even on defense when we know the users aren’t really trying. We boo together. We all wear variations of the same clothes. I am not my own person. I am nothing but a few randomly generated pixels. But goddamn it, I am mad about the National Anthem.
If this country disgusts every single player of Madden so much, then maybe every single player should get the hell out.
Every Madden game should begin with a National Anthem. Users should be able to decide between Christina Aguilera, Josh Groban, or a marching band that won a contest. Gamers should have the option of controlling the fly-over jets and get extra points for cool tricks. You should have to press “x” repetitively to unfurl a giant American flag.
No one should start a quick late-night, drunken dorm room game until we make sure the video game has honored this fine land of the free.
I would protest the NFL until these changes are made, but I live at my seat and cannot move anything but my arms. Obviously this isn’t going to affect ticket sales since every game in Madden is programmed to be completely sold out, but it is still important that I raise my voice.
John Madden bless America. Amen.