- Madam Pince and Madam Pomfrey were in a secret lesbian relationship.
- The restricted section also contained Professor Dumbledore’s enormous personal collection of Japanese erotica.
- The muggles actually knew exactly what was going on the entire time, just chose to ignore it.
- Werewolves are a metaphor for people with mumps.
- Hermione actually had a little brother that was born when she was a third year but using the time turner accidentally made it so he never existed. She never speaks of him.
- The willow tree that made the new wand Ron gets in the second book? Yeah, it came from the WHOMPING WILLOW.
- Voldemort’s seven horcruxes actually represent the seven seasons of The Walking Dead.
- Vernon Dursley secretly hated Harry because Harry reminded him of a kid who used to bully him in school. That kid? James Potter’s cousin who wasn’t magic.
- Snape’s patronus would have been a doe even if he hadn’t loved Lily Potter. That was just a coincidence. His spirit is just best represented by a doe.
- David S. Pumpkins is a squib.
- There was originally a fifth house, called Mumawomp, but the other four founders kicked him out when he started saying some racist things. Like, really racist. Even Slytherin was like, “Jesus, man. What’s wrong with you?”
- Hermione’s patronus is an otter, because otters are good at using tools, and Hermione uses several tools throughout the series.
- There are seven Harry Potter books and eight movies because Harry Potter was actually seven years old for the whole thing, even though he looked eight.
- The only physical difference between Fred and George? George has a third nipple.
