A Quick Word From: The Spider-Man Kid in ‘Love Actually’

Hello, I'm the child who wore Spider-Man face paint in the pagent scene in Love, Actually, and I am here to wish you a Spider-Man Christmas!

(Previously on ‘A Quick Word From‘)

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Webby Christmas! Or something!
Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man (kid from Love Actually). Universal Pictures

Hello, I am the child who wore Spider-Man face paint in the Christmas pagent scene in Love, Actually, and I am here today to wish you a very Spider-Man Christmas!

I cannot wait to celebrate the upcoming Holiday season the way most British people do: by wearing a crown on my head and intricate Spider-Man makeup on my face. I am now twenty-six years old, but I have a feeling this will be the greatest, webbiest Christmas yet.

My Spidey senses are tingling, for the Son of God has been born in Bethlehem!

What people don’t understand is that this is a completely normal, totally acceptable way to celebrate Christmas in the United Kingdom. I applaud the movie Love, Actually for showing just how Spider-Man-centric our holidays are here, especially in London, where we built Big Ben as a cool place for Spidey to perch upon if he ever visits.

Everyone knows the story of Christmas. Jesus, wrapped in swaddling clothes, is born in a manger. Shepherds and kings from afar visit the newborn king. Spider-Man swings in and kicks King Herod’s ass while cracking one-liners (Luke 2: 11-14).

Ho Ho Yo, Webhead!

In Love, Actually, when the prime minister burst through our Christmas concert after severely damaging U.K relations with the United States and began kissing his assistant, all I could think was, “Wow, Jesus and Spider-Man really did it again.”

If you really think about Love, Actually, you’ll start to see Spider-Man’s presence everywhere. Snape’s evil seductress? Clearly a metaphor for the Green Goblin.

Those creepy cards Andrew Lincoln uses to try to steal Kiera Knightly away from his best friend? Stolen dialogue balloons from a Spider-Man comic. Laura Linney’s depressing love-life? The death of Uncle Ben. It all comes together.

Everyone in Love, Actually has been bitten by the love bug, much like Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider, becoming the famous hero known as Spider-Man.

I know. I know. Doesn’t dressing up as Spider-Man year after year get old? Isn’t it a hacky tradition that no one really believes in anyway? Was there every really the biblical Spider-Man we hear about today? Well, whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport, but also mostly about Spider-Man.

General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that Spider-Man is everywhere. Often, he’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but Spidey’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, Doctor Octopuses, girlfriends, old friends.

If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that Spider-Man actually is all around. Merry Christmas.

A Quick Word From: The Spider-Man Kid in ‘Love Actually’