Not-So-Violent Ends: The 10 Forgotten Characters of ‘Westworld’

Now that Westworld‘s first season is as wrapped up as a first generation host in a body bag, people still have a lot of questions. Surprisingly, I thought the show’s inaugural 10 episodes held together pretty well, especially for a Nolan production. (I mean, there were zero spinning tops, so that’s an A+ on a graded curve.) But I was slightly annoyed by how some of the major characters of the show simply disappeared at certain points. There storylines were dropped, never to be referenced again…at least until next year.

Look, sometimes leaving the fate of characters uncertain is a good way to keep audiences in suspense. That’s why we have cliffhangers. But for several major players in the Westworld universe, their lives were less “precarious” and more “totally ignored, like they just disappeared and no one noticed or cared.” Gone, but not forgotten, here’s our memorial to the 10 characters who just kind of wandered off the reservation at some point.

  1. Ashley Stubbs, aka Senor Sideburns, aka Hamsworth

    Ashley Stubbs, aka Senor Sideburns, aka Hamsworth Photo via HBO

    Did he just die? Offscreen? Weird.

  2. Elsie Hughes, aka Velma

    Elsie Hughes, aka Velma Photo via HBO

    I’m sure she’ll pop up again in Season 2, but this was a very big thread to keep dangling.  I don’t think Bernard actually killed her, but then…what happened to our favorite programmer?

  3. Player piano, aka "Okay, Computer"

    Player piano, aka “Okay, Computer” Photo via HBO

    I have a lot of questions about the diegetic music in this show in general. Like, could the characters in Westworld hear Ramin Djawadi’s cover of ‘Paint It Black’ in the pilot? How? Was it playing over loudspeakers? See also, re: Vitamin String Quartet’s “Motion Picture Soundtrack.”

  4. Sheriff Strokeout, aka Ralph Wiggum

    Sheriff Strokeout, aka Chief Wiggum Photo via HBO

    Did they ever fix him?

  5. Like, all of the bugs? aka BOTflies

    Like, all of the bugs? aka BOTflies Photo via HBO

    The flies seemed SO important in the pilot, but then were never addressed again. Like, were they robot flies? Why did they just crawl around hosts’ faces? Why did that make the hosts glitch out? In what timeline did Dolores get the ability to kill a fly? Shouldn’t they have worked out these bugs (pun intended) before opening the park?

  6. These guys, aka Hasmatts (like if they were all named Matt).

    These guys, aka Hazmatts (like if they were all named Matt). Photo via HBO

    Not so much “where did they go” as “why were they ever there?” Why do you need a hazmat crew to clean up Host bodies, when they’re so visually jarring? Also, if you NEED a hazmat suit, maybe try putting the mask on?

  7. Sylvester, aka Greg Grunberganger

    Sylvester, aka Greg Grunberganger Photo via HBO

    Hey guys, is Sylvester okay? Did he survive that neck scalping thing and just needed a personal day to work on his bear and zingers? I hope so.

  8. Young Ford, aka Sir Corky, aka Doctor Nightmares.

    Young Ford, aka Sir Corky, aka Doctor Nightmares. Photo via HBO

    Real talk: Last year I bought my sister one of those trick photos where the eyes follow you around, except the picture was Anthony Hopkins and his puppet from Magic. She immediately “misplaced” it. But if you don’t find this CGI’d version of young Hopkins the most disconcerting piece of technology in the entire show, something is deeply wrong with you. Maybe take this test and go from there.

  9. Even Younger Ford, aka Peter Pancanny Valley

    Even Younger Ford, aka Peter Pancanny Valley Photo via HBO

     

  10. Logan, aka Greasy Prince Caspian

    Logan, aka Greasy Prince Caspian Photo via HBO

See also: Hamsworth.

Not-So-Violent Ends: The 10 Forgotten Characters of ‘Westworld’