We’re right around the corner from the Golden Globes: Hollywood’s annual night of drunkenness and semi-offensive jokes that won’t quite fly at the Oscars. The Golden Globes has traditionally gone out of the box with their choice of hosts: ex. Ricky Gervais (offensive, British), Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (ladies). This year, the Foreign Press Association got together and tried to come up with the host that would annoy Dana Schwartz the most and make her evening miserable and they decided on Jimmy “I giggle at my own jokes” Fallon. Good job, team. Now let’s take a look at the nominees, shall we?
Best TV Musical or Comedy
- Atlanta, FX
- Black-ish, ABC
- Mozart in the Jungle, Amazon (AMZN) Studios
- Transparent, Amazon Studios
- Veep, HBO
Where is Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. This is an outrage. You ruined EVERYTHING, Golden Globes. You stupid bitch.
Best TV Drama
- The Crown, Netflix (NFLX)
- Game of Thrones, HBO
- Stranger Things, Netflix
- This Is Us, NBC
- Westworld, HBO
Long live The Crown. Long live The Crown
Best Mini-Series or TV Movie
- American Crime, ABC
- The Dresser, Starz
- The Night Manager, AMC
- The Night Of, HBO
- The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story, FX
Best Actress in a TV Drama
- Caitriona Balfe (Outlander)
- Claire Foy (The Crown)
- Keri Russell (The Americans)
- Winona Ryder (Stranger Things)
- Evan Rachel Wood (Westworld)
The award should just go to Claire Foy’s accent.
Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical
- Rachel Bloom (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep)
- Sarah Jessica Parker (Divorce)
- Issa Rae (Insecure)
- Gina Rodriguez (Jane the Virgin)
- Tracee Ellis Ross (Black-ish)
Fun fact: If Julia Louis-Dreyfus goes a single year without being nominated, Hollywood is dead.
Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie
- Felicity Huffman (American Crime)
- Riley Keough (The Girlfriend Experience)
- Sarah Paulson (The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story)
- Charlotte Rampling (London Spy)
- Kerry Washington (Confirmation)
Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie
- Olivia Colman (The Night Manager)
- Lena Heady (Game of Thrones)
- Chrissy Metz (This Is Us)
- Mandy Moore (The Is Us)
- Thandie Newton (Westworld)
Weak year for GoT! I’m at least happy Olivia Colman got nominated, just because I freaking love her in Mitchell and Webb clips on YouTube.
Best Actor in a TV Drama
- Rami Malek (Mr. Robot)
- Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul)
- Matthew Rhys (The Americans)
- Liev Schreiber (Ray Donovan)
- Billy Bob Thornton (Goliath)
Does The Americans get bonus points for actually predicting real-life America?
Best Actor in a TV Comedy or Musical
- Anthony Anderson (Black-ish)
- Gael García Bernal (Mozart in the Jungle)
- Donald Glover (Atlanta)
- Nick Nolte (Graves)
- Jeffrey Tambor (Transparent)
Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie
- Riz Ahmed (The Night Of)
- Bryan Cranston (All the Way)
- Tom Hiddleston (The Night Manager)
- John Turturro (The Night Of)
- Courtney B. Vance (The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story)
Wow, they’re going to have to say “The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story” so many times.
Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie
- Sterling K. Brown (The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story)
- Hugh Laurie (The Night Manager)
- John Lithgow (The Crown)
- Christian Slater (Mr. Robot)
- John Travolta (The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story)
Where’s the nomination for John Travolta’s terrible hairpiece?
Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
- 20th Century Woman
- Deadpool
- Florence Foster Jenkins
- La La Land
- Sing Street
I saw La La Land last night and spent the last ten minutes bawling. Ugly crying in a theater, surrounded by strangers. I went in thinking I knew what to expect, knowing it would be good but just expecting a fun musical romp. It broke me. I want it to win every award, and not just because it’s the only one on this list that I’ve seen.
Best Motion Picture, Drama
- Hacksaw Ridge
- Hell or High
Water - Lion
- Manchester by the Sea
- Moonlight
I hope Moonlight takes this one, not just because I don’t like how seeing Hacksaw Ridge means Hollywood has officially forgiven Mel Gibson.
Best Motion Picture, Animated
- Zootopia
- My Life as a Zucchini
- Moana
- Sing
- Kubo and the Two Strings
What’s that second one, now?
Motion Picture, Foreign Language
- Divines (France)
- Elle (France)
- Neruda (Chile)
- The Salesman (Iran)
- Toni Erdmann (Germany)
Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
- Amy Adams (Arrival)
- Jessica Chastain (Miss Sloan)
- Isabelle Huppert (Elle)
- Ruth Negga (Loving)
- Natalie Portman (Jackie)
Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical
- Annette Bening (20th Century Women)
- Lily Collins (Rules Don’t Apply)
- Hailee Steinfeld (The Edge of Seventeen)
- Emma Stone (La La Land)
- Meryl Streep (Florence Foster Jenkins)
It’s not enough to give Meryl Streep a lifetime achievement award. You can’t just not nominate her for another one!
Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama
- Casey Affleck (Manchester by the Sea)
- Joel Edgerton (Loving)
- Andrew Garfield (Hacksaw Ridge)
- Viggo Mortensen (Captain Fantastic)
- Denzel Washington (Fences)
It is infinitely hilarious to me that Viggo Mortensen is nominated for this. I’m proud of you, buddy!
Best Actor in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical
- Colin Farrell (The Lobster)
- Ryan Gosling (La La Land)
- Hugh Grant (Florence Foster Jenkins)
- Jonah Hill (War Dogs)
- Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool)
Good on you, Ryan Reynolds!
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
- Mahershala Ali (Moonlight)
- Jeff Bridges (Hell or High
Water ) - Simon Helberg (Florence Foster Jenkins)
- Dev Patel (Lion)
- Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Nocturnal Animals)
Once I saw Aaron Taylor-Johnson at a coffee shop and I threw away my coffee to wait in line again behind him because he was the most attractive person I had ever seen.
Best Director
- Damien Chazelle (La La Land)
- Tom Ford (Nocturnal Animals)
- Mel Gibson (Hacksaw Ridge)
- Barry Jenkins (Moonlight)
- Kenneth Lonergan (Manchester by the Sea)
So I guess Mel Gibson’s apology tour is officially over. Oh good.
Best Screenplay
- Damien Chazelle (La La Land)
- Tom Ford (Nocturnal Animals)
- Barry Jenkins (Moonlight)
- Kenneth Lonergan (Manchester by the Sea)
- Taylor Sheridan (Hell or High
Water )
Take it La La Land! Personally I’m just a little confused why The Lobster isn’t here.
Best Original Score
- Nicholas Britell (Moonlight)
- Justin Hurwit (La La Land)
- Johann Johannsso (Arrival)
- Dustin O’Halloran Hauschka (Lion)
- Hans Zimmer, Pharrell Williams, Benjamin Wallfisch (Hidden Figures)
Take it, La La Land! Take it all!
Best Original Song
- “Can’t Stop the Feeling!” Justin Timberlake, Max Martin, Shellback (Trolls)
- “City of Stars,” Justin Hurwitz, Benj Pasek, Justin Paul (La La Land)
- “Faith,” Ryan Tedder, Stevie Wonder, Francis Farewell Starlight (Sing)
- “Gold,” Brian Burton, Stephen Gaghan, Daniel Pemberton, Iggy Pop (Gold)
- “How Far I’ll Go,” Lin-Manuel Miranda (Moana)
As much as I freaking loved La La Land, I just want Lin-Manuel Miranda to EGOT. Give me that sense of completion!
