“I’m under as much pressure as you could possibly imagine.” No, not the words of a single mom struggling to put food on the table or a Yazidi woman fighting for her life in a Syrian refugee camp. Those people have no idea what someone like Dorit Kemsley goes through when it’s time to throw her husband a birthday party, but she’s going to tell them so they can show her the sympathy she deserves.
Cory the party planner is coming over to organize and execute PK’s 49th birthday for Dorit. But don’t get it twisted: She’s totally throwing the party herself, team of helpers notwithstanding. Dorit says she wants the party to be “sexy.” Anyone who’s met PK is going to beg her to reconsider.
The party will have a big surprise: Boy George and the band calling themselves Culture Club will be performing a few songs. Finally, eight episodes into this season, we see some proof that Boy George actually sees these people more than once a years. (Yes, Dorit still claims he lives with them.)
Over in Mykonos, Erika Girardi and Kyle Richards are having dinner overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. It’s gorgeous, full moon and all – which Erika’s husband Tom jokes that he paid extra for. They’ve called him in advance of Erika’s major concert at the XLSIOR gay festival, and he’s so supportive and lovely that you can see they have a genuine bond. Erika says they’ve been together 17 years, and we’re shown photos of them from back in the day. Erika looks MUCH younger now than she did then. Respect that.
Eileen Davidson and Lisa Rinna are in a park with Dorit, teaching her to rollerblade. Dorit seems like a pretty good sport about all this, even falling on camera. She invites them to PK’s party, and says she already invited Eden Sassoon and Camille Grammer. Dorit tells Rinna she wants to invite Kim Richards if it’s okay with her. Rinna says it’s fine and thanks her for the heads up. They make a call to Mykonos to wish Erika luck with her show. Erika and Kyle are surprised, to put it mildly, but delighted to hear these three have gone from fighting to rollerblading in the Valley.
Lisa Vanderpump says she found Eden an “interesting character” at game night, so she’s invited her over for a cup of tea so they can get to know each other better. Which means Lisa will be asking her a bunch of personal questions and trying to work out how best to leverage Eden within this group.
Eden spots LVP’s gorgeous flower swing and asks if she ever swings. Lisa makes a typically LVP joke about Ken wishing she would. “Don’t take anything I say seriously,” she tells Eden with a laugh. She then launches right into the interrogation, asking Eden if she’s dating. Eden has a nutty breakup story where she was harping on a guy who quit smoking for her, because he was using nicotine mints. When he referred to her as Type A (which was the nicest thing he could have called her in the circumstances), she dumped him. Lisa sees this for the madness it is. Eden has said she tends to push people away, so this is no real shock. It’s too bad there’s nobody in this group of women who is going to take it upon herself to counsel Eden on intimacy issues, whether she wants their help or not.
Lisa oh so innocently brings up game night. LVP says in her interview she’s not sure it was a good idea for Eden to insert herself into the fight between Rinna and Kim. Eden tells her about being a functional alcoholic with a mom in recovery and a sister who died of a drug overdose. She didn’t get sober when her sister died, but got sober six months after her father passed. This was less than five years ago.
Eden wants to give other people the gift she’s been given, including Kim. It’s an admirable desire, but one that is best applied to those who want the help and are willing to work for it. Eden and LVP dissect Kim’s behavior, with Eden concluding, “She’s struggling.” LVP says in her interview that she doesn’t get why being dry isn’t enough. (There’s a saying for that. “What do you get when a drunk horse thief stops drinking? A sober horse thief.” Point is, it’s not really about the substance.) They disagree on whether or not Kyle enables Kim. LVP tells her Kyle has stepped in many times. Eden says in interview that “Kyle is an enabler because she allows this behavior to continue. She allows her to speak in ways that a sober woman shouldn’t speak. It’s just behavior that, maybe as a sister, you might want to say something.” That’s directly contrary to 12 Step guidance on admitting powerlessness over other people and focusing on yourself instead of what you think other people should be doing. Not to mention the fact that Kyle seems like someone who tried to control Kim’s alcoholism and the wreckage it caused for years, then finally gave up and decided to protect herself and her family. Good for her.
Eden says when she looks at Kyle and Kim, she feels like she’s watching her own family. Classic, textbook projection. This is a different family, one Eden barely knows. Plus you can’t rewrite the past or bring your sister back from the dead by meddling in this family’s affairs.
In Mykonos, it’s 3.30AM and Erika Jayne is still not on stage. Her hot dancers get ab contouring with bronzer to enhance their definition. Before they go on stage, Erika invites Kyle to join their crew prayer, during which Mikey drops an f-bomb, mentions “sex on a platter,” tits, ass, and male genitals “throbbing.” Mikey is tiresome. But Erika is awesome, and the crowd loves her.
Rinna is over at Eden’s “cute house,” which is Housewife-speak for “not a mansion like mine.” Dorit joins them. In her interview, says how it’s so good to get away from the non-stop work of kids and being a mom. L-O-freaking-L.
Eden is making them smoothies at 8PM, because she’s convinced her smoothie recipe is not to be missed. Dorit jokes about putting vodka in hers, which is when Rinna says she’s put Xanax in a smoothie before. Eden: “I would do that.” Dorit is shocked. Eden clarifies that she takes medication, but doesn’t drink. Dorit wonders in her interview if you can take pills if you’re a sober person. (Short answer: Depends on what you and your doctor conclude. But 12 Step literature takes no position and states that “We are not doctors,” urging people in recovery to get professional help for outside issues.) Rinna pulls out a baggie full of pills and what she says are “mostly vitamins.” Eden gets excited to show off her knowledge of pharmaceuticals, identifying as many as she can. This is kind of a pathetic scene, but the women are giggling like crazy and so at least they know they can have fun without being trashed.
Erika and her crew get back to their huge, gorgeous house in Mykonos. She is full of adrenaline from the show and wants to keep the party going. Emerging from the house in a high-cut animal print one-piece, she is a total smoke show for a photoshoot against the sunrise. Erika coaxes Kyle into her revealing one-piece, even getting her to pose for photos. Erika is much more confident than Kyle, who often carries herself like she’s ashamed of her body. I hope Erika’s influence can make Kyle take herself less seriously – she has a lovely, healthy body.
Dorit and PK freaking out about the wilted, puny flowers for his party. “These flowers are tragic,” Dorit says in her interview with a very funny delivery. Boy George is rehearsing, and seems very laid back and humble – much more down to earth than his supposed landlady.
Erika is one of the first guests to arrive, wearing a stunning LBD. Dorit tells her ‘jokingly,’ “This is a step up from the last time you came to my party in the t-shirt dress.” Dorit the Digger never fails to deliver. Erika is not impressed by her lack of charm. “I don’t know if Dorit could pull off the t-shirt dress. I mean, if she could, she would. But she’s not, so she won’t.” Dorit wouldn’t wear anything that covered up as much as that Moschino number.
Dorit beckons Peggy, one of her infant daughter’s nannies, to come forth with the child. Dorit holds the baby awkwardly while Phoenix looks puzzled as to who this woman is and why she is holding her. After 30 seconds, she starts to cry and Dorit hands her back to the staff.
Kim arrives and, meeting PK for the first time, puts on a weird quasi-Australian accent that she calls an English accent. Eden extends her hand to Kim, so it will be easier for Kim to clamber down the stairs with her bad knee. She complains in her interview that Kim is giving her “nothing” despite her help. Giving with an expectation of some return is Eden’s problem, not Kim. I strongly suspect Kim senses Eden’s lack of boundaries and is insulating herself from contact as much as possible.
Kim and Rinna greet each other cordially. Kim admits to all the women that her daughter expecting a child is making her more worried, like she was as a first-time mother. Eden in her interview wonders why anyone would be filled with anxiety about their grandchild’s birth. Is that really such a mystery? She thinks this could drive Kim to drink and die. Well, sure, anything can do that to an alcoholic – even a broken shoelace. But this projection is really over the top. Eden questions Kim about her anxiety, showing way too much interest and giving a sense of “I get this, even if you don’t” – which generally doesn’t go down well, especially with addicts. Kim is polite and tries to laugh it off and clarify what she’s feeling, but Eden doesn’t seem to be listening.
Dorit gives a speech in honor of PK, telling him her life would be “seemingly impossible if you weren’t by my side.” Well, yeah, who would pay for everything?
The big reveal is made: Boy George and Culture Club start playing. It is totally cute to see their little boy Jagger dancing to Karma Chameleon. Afterward, Boy George mixes with the guests and couldn’t be nicer or more genuine.
When Eden is leaving, she says goodbye to the Richards sisters and Camille. As soon as she walks away, Camille says, “She’s so nice!” Kim and Kyle make faces like, “Uh, no.” Kim gives them recap of the anxiety convo. Kim says, “Everywhere you go, she’s there, by the way. Have you noticed that?” Kyle says Eden is a drama queen.
In the backyard, Dorit is telling LVP and Boy George about the smoothies and Xanax remark Rinna made. George says, “I’m sure she wants THAT broadcast! Telephone, telegram, tell Dorit!” He, being wise, walks away. Dorit tells LVP about Rinna pulling out a big bag of pills and says it was very funny. “Funny?” LVP asks. Dorit tells her to “pull the pole out of your ass.” For once, Vanderpump’s concern is not a put-on. If Rinna is a pill-head, it’s kind of an issue. If she’s not, she’s not. But all this addiction stuff is way beyond the grasp of this crowd, and it’s difficult to watch it being trivialized and, well, can we have a new storyline, please? It’s getting as tiresome as the Munchausen’s storyline, and that’s saying something.