It was recently announced that, after four seasons riding around in the Tardis, Peter Capaldi will be hanging up his sonic screwdriver and regenerating into another esteemed British actor. And so here we are, left to bet and speculate which esteemed British actor it shall be. Fingers crossed he or she is coming from a critically acclaimed British series that Americans don’t know about yet!
Let’s get something out of the way before we dive into the list. Choosing a woman or a person of color isn’t (as I saw it decried in comment sections across the internet) “political correctness.” It’s just a probably intelligent realization that watching a wiry white guy turn into a different wiry white guy thirteen times in a row is kinda boring. The Doctor is a thousand-year-old space alien on a children’s television show. If you really have a visceral reaction to this fictional being—a literal alien with the ability to transform his physical form into different people whenever plot or actors quitting requires—transforming into someone who isn’t male or white, here’s what you do:
- Take a long look at the mirror.
- Call your mom, and tell her you’re sorry for that thing you should be sorry about
- Reflect on whether you’ve accomplished anything of worth in your entire life
- Contemplate whether you are truly happy
- Ask why you think your enjoyment of a character depends on his race or gender. “But the Doctor is supposed to be a white guy! That’s who the character is!” No, the Doctor is an alien from Galifrey, a planet on which the concept of “Caucasian” doesn’t exist. The Doctor is supposed to be whatever the people running Doctor Who think he should look like. It’s Doctor Who not Doctor Him (I really want to use that zinger, so secretly I hope it’ll be a woman).
Olivia Colman
The bookie’s favorite, Colman is that actress you’ve seen fucking everywhere and you don’t even know it yet. Mitchell and Webb sketches? Yup. The Golden Globes? For The Night Manager, with Tom Hiddleston. Hot Fuzz? Damn straight. The Iron Lady? Alongside motherfucking Meryl Streep. Peep Show? Guess she’s friends with Mitchell and Webb. The Lobster? She was the mean lady who sang opera. She was even on an episode of Doctor Who. This lady works so much that it’s just statistically likely she’ll be cast out of habit.
Hayley Atwell
The fan favorite. I mean, she’d be great. No complaints from me if we get Peggy Carter kicking more ass.
Richard Ayoade
A perennial favorite on prediction lists, Ayoade is the adorable nerd from The IT Crowd who also happens to be an amazing director. He basically has the bookish Doctor vibe down.
Rupert Grint
Another common contender. Doctor Who and Harry Potter overlap is common—remember David Tennant as Barty Crouch, Jr.? The Doctor hasn’t been a ginger yet, so at least this would count as sort of switching it up.
Ben Whishaw
The adorable Q from the recent Bond films (and The Lobster with Olivia Colman!), Whishaw is another good bet from the wiry nerd school of British actors. Do you sense that I have a type of man? Every dude who seems to be a good fit for the Doctor is basically my dream man.
Harry Treadaway
I haven’t seen him on any lists, but I’m binging Penny Dreadful now and the brooding druggy Victor Frankenstein is my crush on the show, and I want more of him. Also acceptable? His twin brother Luke.
Rory Kinnear
Another one of those British actors who’s just everywhere. Yes, Penny Dreadful, but also The Imitation Game, and that episode of Black Mirror where he fucked a pig. Hey, also from James Bond movies it looks like. Wow England is incestuous.
Freema Agyeman
#JusticeForMartha
Someone from The Crown
Just… probably right? Other than Matt Smith, I mean. UNLESS…..
Kenneth Branagh
It is no secret that I am a huge Kenneth Fan-agh. I hope Ken gets cast as the doctor and then turns it into a glorious Shakespearean epic.
A Cardigan Sweater
I’m putting this at 1:1500 odds.
Anne Hathaway
Just like, could you imagine though?
